A sunny Saturday afternoon here in Wellington, New Zealand, but the sun isn’t shining here in our house. A black cloud hangs over everything at present and I cant see through the tears to tell you all how I feel. But I found this quote in a book the other day and it say what I can’t.
“Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world,
which I find myself constantly walking around
in the daytime and falling in at night.
I miss you like hell.”
Edna St Vincent Millay
American lyrical poet and playwright.
1892-1950
The book is entitled “Goodbye for Times of Sadness & Loss” by Melanie G Mason.
And now I should like to thank you all for the outpouring of love, kindness and support at the recent tragic event in my life. But my darling Architect would not have wanted me to fall into that slough of despair where I have been once before. So I am working on picking myself up, dusting myself off and starting all over again as Jerome Kern exhorted us.
So watch this space. Who knows what will happen next. But do all take care and cherish each and every day because tomorrow may never come.
I choose how I will spend the rest of my life 
I’m glad you’re trying to head in the right direction Judith but there’s nothing wrong with where you are at the moment either. Grieving is a natural process and you can’t set time limits on it. I still have major ‘black dogs’ two and a half years down the line. It’s OK to follow Jerome Kern’s recommendation as long as you remember that there will be times to come when you’ll need a hug or three.
I’ve learned the advice you give is good , to cherish each day in case tomorrow doesn’t arrive. I hope your today, your tomorrow and all the tomorrows to come will be full of adventure with not a minute wasted. May the adventure bring you joy.
xxx Massive Hugs xxx
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David thank you. You always seem to know exactly what to say. I have been here before some 17 years ago and I know that time alone will allow me to move forward. My magic carpet ride was far too short but oh what a ride it was. Two years of fun, adventure and learning new things and seeing new places with somebody else. How lucky I have been. Hugs to you
from this side of the world XXXX
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I really feel for you Judith. A dear friend of mine once said ‘the only way to get through this is too let it go through me’. Trust the process and be kind to yourself. One day at a time is all that is required, and each day will be different. Much love.
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Thank you Marian. I have been here before but it’s no easier the second time around. But I did have a magical two years with the Architect and wouldn’t have missed them for the world. Where are you these days?
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Judith, we both feel for you so much and wish we could be there to give you hugs, as you say you have been there before and know that it will gradually get easier but that takes time and you had so little time with the “Architect” albeit they were great times. Love and kisses Maureen & John xxxx
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Thank you. Yes they were great times even though it was so short. But how lucky I was to get a second chance after losing Bob so long ago. I wish you could be here too. Have you ever thought about coming here. Love xxx
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You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t feel like that, Judith. Sending you big hugs and blessings xx
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Thanks Cat. The friendship and love of people I only know through the blogosphere is almost overwhelming.
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I will watch this space as you say for it is the closest I can be to you, A hole in the world… words of exactness. David is right that there is nothing wrong with where you are at the moment and at this moment you have a whole world of souls sending you love and hugs including mine. And the only thing better is if you could actually feel our arms around. Love, Chris
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Thanks Chris. Just emerging from the black hole but with friends like you I;ll make it through this time. Stay in touch.XX
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Cherish is a beautiful word and you are a stunning and strong woman – sending best wishes and a little extra for the days ahead to you across the ocean.
On Fri, Sep 11, 2015 at 11:42 PM, I choose how I will spend the rest of my
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Thank you Cecilia – I am adding cherish to my list of favourite words.
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Love Hurts.
Sorrow is the price we pay for Joy.
Peace to you, Judith. Keep breathing.
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Thanks Nancy – yur love and support is very real to me even though we only know each other through the blogosphere
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You can’t ignore the pain and loss but you will move on after a time. You were fortunate to have two wonderful loves. Neither would want you to be unhappy. I know you will keep on living as you choose how to spend the rest of your life. Hugs to you!
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Al the hugs and love gratefully, and I hope graciously, received Thanks Pat
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Oh – now I know your name I apologise for calling you Pat. I don’t know where that name came from.
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Judith – I am quite sure your strength and joy in life are the characteristics your Architect loved. And it is your strength and your joy in life that will carry you forward again. Much love from your “other sister” across the world. ~Dor
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Thank you Dor. Your love and support are palpable to me on the other side of the world.
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Judith, unfortunately I don’t fly so unlikely that I would ever get to New Zealand. I have many nice memories of Bob, he was a lovely person and I remember he often gave me a lift home in his (what was in those days) a very posh car. Although I didn’t meet Jon, I know he made you so happy for such a short time, but I am pleased that Marianne was able to meet him and see how happy you were together. Love Maureen & John xxxx
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Thanks Those years in England were so long ago. Hugs from my side of the world to you both.
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Sending healing hugs from Spain.These things take time, as you know. Give yourself space and lots of TLC. ❤
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Thanks Darlene. As I keep saying the love and support from my friends in the blogosphere are almost overwhelming.
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Judith, my heart goes out to you. Are you familiar with Beannacht, the blessing that John O’Donohue wrote for his mother, after his father had died…the first half is profound in awareness of grief. The ending lines offer such softness, love and healing to those who are grieving or sad.
I have “used” and imagined taking in the blessings from the ending lines of that blessing so many times… for soothing and comforting myself. Perhaps they might be a wee bit helpful for you?
http://pocketperspectives.com/2014/07/03/an-invisible-cloak-to-mind-your-life-a-cloak-of-love-john-odonohue/
The gentlest and most comforting of blessings to you, Kathy
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Kathy thank you for sharing. As I have said in the past – this too will pass – and I just have to give myself time to recognise that it will be so.
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You had a wonderful two years with him. In time the pain will fade and you will look back at those times and feel the warmth of happiness.
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Oh yes Elizabeth. It was a magic carpet ride and I have many many happy memories to get me through this black time.
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I’m so sorry, Judith. My very best wishes. It’s never easy to know what to say. Sad for you.
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Thank you Jo.
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The quote does a good job of describing the indescribable pain of losing a loved one. We can’t be reminded enough that sometimes, tomorrow never comes.
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Thanks Patti – yes we need to remind ourselves that tomorrow may not come.
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Oh Judith. I have not been on the blogs for ages so I missed all this.
I am so sorry for your loss.
I lost my man after 22 months but took comfort in having had him even for that short time.
I feel for you.
I picked myself up and I know you will too.
Lots of love from South Africa.
xxxxx
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Granny (sorry I don’t know your real name) thank you so much for your comment. Yes mine too was a short but glorious ride.
And I am so sorry for your loss. It’s pretty grim here at present but I’ve been here before and know I will eventually come out of this dark place.
I have been overwhelmed by the love and support offered by my friends in the blogosphere.
Thanks and love. Judith
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I’m sorry for your pain. It’s amazing how crushing and exquisite, missing a person, can be. My husband died 2 years ago in July after a hateful illness. After 2 years I’m starting to feel solid again. I hope you are gentle with yourself and take time to heal.
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Thank you so much for your kind words and sharing. I know this isn’t something to be rushed. It was almost exactly two years after my husband died that I really began to live again
I hope things are becoming easier for you. Time doesn’t heal; it puts distance between the unthinkable and now. J
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