Tag Archives: laughing

I Am Not Old

“I will most definitely be outrageous, difficult and undignified,
but not until I am old.”
Judith Baxter, Blogger, Mother, Sister, Grandmother and friend.
1938 –
I make no secret of my vast age. I know how very lucky I am to have had such a long and interesting life. Many don’t have the good fortune to reach this age.
I have bored you with this on several earlier posts.
I compared myself to a classic car in Vintage?  “I too am kept in a warm dry house (rather than a garage) away from the vagaries of the weather.  I’m cleaned, polished and primped.  I have regular services, hairdressers, facials, manicures, pedicures, dentists and the occasional visit to the GP”
I gave you fair warning that I wasn’t going to age gracefully ” So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised When suddenly I am old and start to wear purple”
And again in Rambling with an OctogenarianI mused on growing old along with others and said  “When I think of old I imagine an old person sitting in a chair doing nothing active. I don’t want to be that person. I have said in the past that I want to hike into my old age. “
And of course, we all know that Strange Old Lady who seems to inhabit all our houses as we get older – “Imagine my surprise, therefore, when I looked in the mirror and saw this Old Woman looking out at me.” 

Granny on computer

(sigh….. bet that strange old lady is on “her” puter too!) What’s a body to do??????

Then today when noodling around the internet with coffee in hand, I came across this:

I am not old … she said … I am rare.

I am the standing ovation

At the end of the play.

I am the retrospective
Of my life as art

I am the hours
Connected like dots
Into good sense

I am the fullness
Of existing.

You think I am waiting to die …
But I am waiting to be found

I am a treasure.
I am a map.

And these wrinkles are
Imprints of my journey

Ask me anything.

~~ Samantha Reynolds’

I find that Samantha h Reynolds is the Founder and President of Echo Storytelling Agency. She is based in Vancouver, BC and says -“I help great people tell great stories. I also talk on the phone a lot and write ideas on scraps of paper when stopped at red lights.”

If it seems too good…

Everyone knows the old adage and many have been stung by its inevitable truth.  If it seems to good to be true then it probably is.

I consider myself quite worldly wise – well one couldn’t have lived through this many years and not learned plenty.  We have all read and probably received scam letters by email, but some time ago I received one that was slightly different to the norm.

Brochure

It  was my birthday and when I opened the envelope containing what I thought was a birthday card, I found instead a catalogue from a travel company.  The company was marking nine years in  business and was offering a variety of prizes to  celebrate.  Inside were two scratch pads and so of course, I scratched them and lo and behold I was the winner of the second prize – $US160,000.  Too good to be true?

Bear in mind that this catalogue came in an envelope addressed to me- not the usual scam email.  I was required to call a number in Malaysia which I did and was told that I had indeed won second prize and would I scan and send the scratch card to their office.  I did this and received a phone call almost immediately telling me that while I held the second prize card they couldn’t find my customer number.  Not surprising as I had never heard of the company.  Apparently a mistake had been made on their part and instead of a minor prize being offered to encourage people to use their company, a major prize that should have only been offered to clients, was included in the mail to me.

However, undaunted the folk in Malaysia said that this shouldn’t preclude my being given the prize and several telephone calls from them ensued.  After a couple of days (and more calls) I was told that the sponsors had reluctantly agreed to pay out the prize but before doing so I was asked to sign a Non Disclosure Agreement.  Apparently this was necessary in case any of the sponsors’ clients found out that it was being paid to a “non-client”.  I did so and then was asked to call them in Hong Kong.  I had already checked out both these companies and to all intents and purposes they are legitimate.  The website of the sponsors in HK showed registration number etc and this checked out.

The conversation with the Operation (sic) Manager of the company went well and it appeared that I was to receive the prize, but wait, there was one small hitch before the money could be sent to my account a Letter of Authorisation was required from the HK Government; this to provide me with proof that the money sent to my account was winnings and not the proceeds from drugs or anything illegal.  To obtain the Letter it was necessary for $7,200 to be lodged with the Government Department and my share of that was $3,600.

I told the man at the other end of the line that while this was all very good I should have to break a deposit to produce $3,600 (US or HK it was not clear) and so I suggested that he send me a letter saying that I was to receive this money and then my bank here in NZ would advance the funds.  He explained that because I had signed the Non Disclosure as had he, he couldn’t do this.  When asked what he would usually do in this situation I was told that the winnings would go into the client’s account.  When I suggested that he open an account for me he demurred saying he couldn’t as all his clients “were holders of substantial funds”.  So my dream of winning an unexpected bonus came to an end.

I did email my man in Malaysia who had been so very helpful and explained what had happened.  I told him that while I was very comfortable dealing with his company I didn’t feel comfortable with this other company.  He assured me that the company in Hong Kong was legitimate and then suggested that I get on a plane to meet the “Operation” Manager in person.  Not going to happen.

A day or so later I received a call from him apologising profusely for the fact that the money could not be sent to me but telling me to look out for a “compensation package” that would be sent from his company and would I let him know when it arrived.  Guess what, nothing has arrived.

So while this now is shown to be a scam it appeared to be legitimate:

  • I had received a brochure by mail
  • I had a ticket showing I was a winner
  • I made one call to the number in Malaysia and all other contact with that company was made by them and by phone – so at their cost
  • The requirement for a Non Disclosure Agreement added a degree of legitimacy to the whole thing
  • The only other call I had to make was collect to Hong Kong.  When I did this they called me back so that the call was at their cost.

And because it was a scam I have no problem in breaking the Non Disclosure Agreement I signed.

‘Perhaps that suspicion of fraud enhances the flavour.”
C S Forester, English Novelist 1899-1966

 

 

 

 

 

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One Year On

Santa boot

I have so many much more attractive shoes!

It is exactly one year today that I broke my ankle when out walking Lotte.  For the next several weeks I endured first a back-strap (absolutely useless as it kept slipping being held in place only by crepe bandage) and then my big red Santa boot.  During these weeks I had to learn and employ patience and acceptance of the help offered.  Obviously as soon as the boot was removed the learned patience and acceptance both flew out of the window.

Looking through my notebooks for an apt quote I came across this one from Ambrose Bierce

“Patience – A minor form of despair
disguised as a virtue”

There was no notation as to who this Ambrose Bierce was, when he lived etc etc.  In later books I did make notations against quotes.  So I took myself off to our friends at Wikipedia and there learned that

Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce (born June 24, 1842; died sometime after December 26, 1913)was an American editorialist, journalist, short story writer, fabulist, and satirist.

I didn’t know what a fabulist was so once again to the internet where I found a fabulist is a writer of fables.  So another new word to add to my rapidly expanding Lexicon.

Well we are all well aware of Aesop as a fabulist but we can also add Beatrix Potter with Peter Rabbit, Peter RabbitKenneth Grahame with Toad, Ratty, Mole et al

Toad driving

and of course, Lewis Carrol with the White Rabbit.

White rabbit with watch

Copyright Disney

And I can say that when I told my very young grandchildren stories they always were about animals to which I had given human attributes.  James (the eldest) had a very favourite rabbit who got into all sorts of trouble and adventures.  So maybe I am a fabulist. too!

Well another rambling post comes to a close.  Apart from a big rant about computers.  I wrote this blog several hours ago and then lost it.  I know that I should update/save the draft as I work but this morning I didn’t.

Swear signs

From Freeimageslive.co.uk

I am surprised you didn’t hear the expletives from where you are.  But it’s all written again and now will be posted.

Christmas bells

Happy Christmas!

Mr Nobody

Have you met Mr Nobody yet?  When we were growing up he was a regular visitor to our house and again when my children were younger, he was often there too.

I know a funny little man,
As quiet as a mouse,
Who does the mischief that is done
In everybody’s house.
There’s no one ever sees his face,
And yet we all agree
That every plate we break was cracked
By Mr. Nobody

Chipped plate

‘Tis he who always tears our books,
who leaves our doors ajar;
he pulls the buttons from our shirts,
and scatters pins afar,
that squeaking door will always squeak,
because of this you see:
we leave the oiling to be done
by Mr Nobody.

He puts damp wood upon the fire,
So kettles cannot boil;
His are the feet that bring in mud
And all the carpets soil.
The papers always are mislaid,
Who had them last but he?
There’s no one tosses them about
But Mr. Nobody

And now I come to think of it, perhaps he and that Very Strange Old Lady have got together and decided that my home is where they want to co-habit, living  in blissful disinterest in how they upset my routine and my life.  I just wish they would find somewhere else.  Does anybody have a spare room for this awkward couple?
old woman

I’m Not The Only One

“When Solomon said that there was a time
and a place for everything he had not
encountered the problem of parking
an automobile.”
Bob Edwards

On Tuesday I wrote about my computer and how easily my son got the sound and the second monitor to work.  Thanks to all of you who told me that you have done some other daft things.

Well I thought I would tell you about another thing.  Years ago, shortly after my (not now so) dashing young Scotsman died I lived with my son and his family for several months.

One night, while daughter in law was making dinner, I went off to meet my son from the train.  A simple task you say?  What could happen in a 2 km drive?

Well, unbeknownst to me during the day a huge load of top soil had been delivered to the railway parking area.  There were no lights – it is a small community where they live and so a small, unmanned station.  Well, you guessed it.  I drove into the pile of soil.

The train arrived and my son was greeted by his mother and her tale of woe.  He tried to reverse the car without success and so he suggested that we go over to the gas station where we  knew the owner, and borrow his van.  This was quite old and used for run around jobs.  The gas store owner was delighted to spring to the help of a damsel in distress.

So now there are three of us – the owner thought he could tow my Toyota Corolla out of the pile, but miscalculated and somehow ended up with his van stuck in the pile of earth.

So my son, who had a 6 litre Ford something at the time, took off on foot to get his car.  He eventually arrived and did his best to tow out the stranded vehicles but again without success and again, managed to strand his car in the soil.

Even all those years ago my son and I each always had our cell phones with us, but neither of us had them that night.  So three sheepish people made their way back to the gas station to call the AA who eventually turned up and rescued all three vehicles.

Embarrassing? Yes, bus a great story to tell over the next few days.  And dinner – well fortunately my daughter in law hadn’t started to cook the steak when I left so all was well.  But the little boys were in bed when we got back and so their father missed out on the usual bedtime ritual.

Now That’s Interesting

Never say, “oops.”
Always say, “Ah, interesting.”
Author Unknown

A couple of days ago I posted on stupidity and fallacious frivolous claims  before the courts and the amount of damages awarded to those who sued.

Today I have been told by a fellow blogger – Linda Cassidy Lewis – that in fact these are bogus cases.  Click this link  to see these and other bogus cases.

So I apologise.  As with many others I assumed (made an ass of you and me) that these were true without taking the trouble to research them.  Lazy writing and lazy blogging.  I am surprised now that I didn’t research them to determine whether or not they were true.  If you are a regular reader you will know that I usually go to great lengths in researching whatever my mind happens to decide is a suitable subject for my blog.

I unreservedly apologise to you all for misleading you in this way.  But it was fun reading wasn’t it?

Oh and by the way, I have cancelled my plane ticket to the US.  Won’t be buying that Winnebago after all.

crying face

Dreamstime.com Free images

Stupidity Reigns!

“We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.”   Benjamin Franklin

Hot on the heels of  my posts on Political Correctness and Common Sense came this via email from a friend.

We have obviously allowed stupidity to take over the world considering some of the frivolous actions taken and their results in the courts in the United States.

It’s time again for the annual ‘Stella Awards‘! For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald’s in New Mexico, where she purchased coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right? That’s right; these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S. You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch your head. So keep your head scratcher handy.

Here are the Stellas for year  —  2011:

*SEVENTH PLACE*
Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son.

Start scratching!

* SIXTH PLACE *
Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles , California won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn’t notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor’s hubcaps.

Scratch some more…

* FIFTH PLACE *
Terrence Dickson, of Bristol , Pennsylvania , who was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn’t re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count ’em, EIGHT days and survive on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner’s insurance company claiming undue mental Anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish Keep scratching. There are more…

Double hand scratching after this one..

*FOURTH PLACE*
Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the Stella’s when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor’s beagle – even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner’s fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.

Pick a new spot to scratch, you’re getting a bald spot..

* THIRD PLACE *
Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument. What ever happened to people being responsible for their own actions?

Only two more so ease up on the scratching…

*SECOND PLACE*
Kara Walton, of Claymont , Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000….oh, yeah, plus dental expenses. Go figure.

Ok. Here we go!!

Clapping hands

* FIRST PLACE *
This year’s runaway First Place Stella Award winner was: Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver’s seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner’s manual that she couldn’t actually leave the driver’s seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down?  $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.

Winnebago

Sorry folks.  I won’t be around for a few days.  Just off to pick up my ticket to the US to buy a Winnebago.

Against stupidity the very gods themselves contend in vain.   Friedrich Schiller

And Now For Today’s Shower

No the plumbing isn’t playing up but …

Somehow, when I encased my foot in its big red Santa boot in a green City Council recycling bag this morning I either (a) didn’t seal it properly around the leg or (b) ripped it somehow.  Because … when I got out of the shower my foot in its boot was swimming in water.  Well that’s a slight exaggeration.  There was water in the bottom of the bag.

This of course, is very uncomfortable when said foot is encased in said red Santa boot.  So a call to the hospital orthopedic department at the hospital followed.  I spoke to a delightful (young) woman who told me that a nurse would call back and give me a time to come into the clinic.  A couple of hours passed with no phone call. I then made another call working on the assumption that the squeaky wheel gets the oil, to be told by the same (young) woman that the nurses were (a) very busy, (b) had been given the message and (c) would call me back “if they could” today.  Whereupon I told her that the foot was wet, the plaster was wet etc, etc and that I needed to speak to somebody TODAY!

Some two hours later I received a call from the supervising nurse who said that they couldn’t fit me in today but she suggested that if somebody else were around, I get them to direct the heat from a hairdryer on low, down into the space between the foot and the cast.  I did point out to her that in the pages of literature I had been given about caring for a cast, directing heat from a hairdryer was a definite NO.

Hairdryer

She countered this by saying that I was a sensible woman and would know if I was damaging the cast with the heat.  How?  She also said that if this didn’t work I should call her in the morning and make a time to come back to the clinic to have this fibreglass cast removed and replaced with a full plaster cast.
As I have only 7 more sleeps before the cast comes off I asked why they wouldn’t replace it with another fibreglass cast.  The response?  Because of the type of fracture I have the bone could have moved and they would want to be sure that it stayed in place for another week.

That makes absolutely no sense to me.  She also commented that if the bone had moved they might have to perform surgery – my response to that is NO WAY.  If surgery was to be performed why didn’t they do it five weeks ago at the time of the accident?

So my ever patient friend has just sat with me directing a stream of heat down into the cast.  I don’t know just how I can repay him for the care and attention that has been lavished on me over the past five weeks.  And I don’t know if applying the heat has worked but it certainly feels better than it did before the hairdryer was applied to it.

Boy will I be glad to see the end of this cast.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Waking up

Photo -Agnieszka Pastuszak – Maksim | Dreamstime.com

Hooray – only seven more sleeps until it comes off.

The Family Dog

Lotte tired

Wherever she had been she was now exhausted

The other day I received this from a friend.

Inner Peace:
If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and
boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat plain food every
  day and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when your loved
  ones are too busy to give you any time,
If you can take criticism and
  blame without resentment,
If you can conquer tension
  without medical help,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

…Then You Are Probably
  ………
The Family Dog!
     

Six Word Saturday

Six word Saturday button

It’s Saturday again so here we go.  If you would like to participate please either click on the picture above or click this link.

Bugger, Broken Bone, Confined to House

So here I am unable to drive and totally dependent upon the goodwill of others.  I can get around the house with reasonable ease but haven’t yet ventured outside.  So am beginning to feel a touch of Cabin Fever.

Thank goodness for a sense of humour in this situation.

  • Having a friend at my beck and call.  “Please, may I have a cup of coffee”  “Can you give me my book, my glasses, the pain killers etc”  Can’t carry anything with crutches.
  • Using my alternative means of getting around (other than my crutches)  – my old lady Zimmer frame.
  • Climbing up the three stairs to the bathroom on my backside (aka bum) and then getting onto my knees to pull myself up.
  • I am sure as the time goes by there will be many more humorous happenings and moments to remember.

And thank goodness for a sense of gratitude

  • It could have been so much worse – a fractured bone will heal but those people I meet regularly at the Hospice won’t.
  • My next door neighbour’s sister who was in a coma for months following an accident now requires 24-hour nursing care.  She will not heal.
  • Those others with degenerative diseases, physical or mental will not heal.

And so I say thank you for making me so physically fit normally that I can overcome this obstacle in my life and learn from it.

Thanks