Tag Archives: humor

Guide to Hiring Women

A friend copied this and passed it on to me as he thought I might get a laugh from reading it.  I hope you will too.

This purports to be from the July 1943 issue of Mass Transportation Magazine written for male supervisors during the Second World War.

Eleven Tips on Getting More Efficiency Out of Women Employees

There’s no longer any question whether transit companies should hire women for jobs formerly held by men. The draft and manpower shortage has settled that point. The important things now are to select the most efficient women available and how to use them to the best advantage. Here are eleven helpful tips on the subject from western properties:

1. If you can get them, pick young married women. They have these advantages, according to the reports of western companies: they usually have more of a sense of responsibility than do their unmarried sisters; they’re less likely to be flirtatious; as a rule, they need the work or they wouldn’t be doing it — maybe a sick husband or one who’s in the army; they still have the pep and interest to work hard and to deal with the public efficiently.

2. When you have to use older women, try to get ones who have worked outside the home at some time in their lives. Most transportation companies have found that older women who have never contacted the public, have a hard time adapting themselves, are inclined to be cantankerous and fussy. It’s always well to impress upon older women the importance of friendliness and courtesy.

3. While there are exceptions, of course, to this rule, general experience indicates that “husky” girls — those who are just a little on the heavy side — are likely to be more even-tempered and efficient than their underweight sisters.

4. Retain a physician to give each woman you hire a special physical examination — one covering female conditions. This step not only protects the property against the possibilities of lawsuit but also reveals whether the employee-to-be has any female weaknesses which would make her mentally or physically unfit for the job. Transit companies that follow this practice report a surprising number of women turned down for nervous disorders.

5. In breaking in women who haven’t previously done outside work, stress at the outset the importance of time — the fact that a minute or two lost here and there makes serious inroads on schedules. Until this point is gotten across, service is likely to be slowed up.

6. Give the female employe in garage or office a definite day-long schedule of duties so that she’ll keep busy without bothering the management for instructions every few minutes. Numerous properties say that women make excellent workers when they have their jobs cut out for them but that they lack initiative in finding work themselves.

7. Whenever possible, let the inside employe change from one job to another at some time during the day. Women are inclined to be nervous and they’re happier with change.

8. Give every girl an adequate number of rest periods during the day. Companies that are already using large numbers of women stress the fact that you have to make some allowances for feminine psychology. A girl has more confidence and consequently is more efficient if she can keep her hair tidied, apply fresh lipstick and wash her hands several times a day.

9. Be tactful in issuing instructions or in making criticisms. Women are often sensitive; they can’t shrug off harsh words the way that men do. Never ridicule a woman — it breaks her spirit and cuts her efficiency.

10. Be reasonably considerate about using strong language around women. Even though a girl’s husband or father may swear vociferously, she’ll grow to dislike a place of business where she hears too much of this.

11. Get enough size variety in operator uniforms that each girl can have a proper fit. This point can’t be stressed too strongly as a means of keeping women happy, according to western properties.”
Was this really published in 1943?   We have seen many such items and I have fallen for some and have even blogged about them only to find out later that these claims were in fact not true.  While we know that in the 1940s women in the workplace were almost universally under valued and patronised we still find it hard to believe that such an item could be published in a recognised trade magazine

So I Googled our trusty friend snopes.com and found out that this was indeed written by L H Sanders and did  appear in the 1943 edition of the magazine that was widely circulated at the time.

Now look at the eleven hints – which is your favourite?  I can imagine the uproar that would ensue if any company considered hint 4.  And I do like hint 8 as I feel much more confidant if I can keep my hair tidied, apply fresh lipstick and wash my hands several times a day.

Discussion at the Hospice last week, from whence came this photocopy, centred around the various hints and hint 3 the “Husky girls” came out as top choice among the staff.

Women workers at war

Click here to read more about women at work during the 1940s.

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Santa ‘s Getting Tough

I heard this on a local radio show yesterday.  I thought it worth sharing with you.Santa gets tough

Abbotsford police in British Columbia, Canada, have sent this card to all the local criminals.  It’s gone out to all known prolific offenders, gang members and drug dealers to encourage them to make a law-abiding New Year’s resolution.

The card features the force’s Police Chief as Santa dressed in tactical gear with the accompanying message ‘Which list will you be on next year?’: ‘You are always only one choice away from changing your life’.

An additional greeting continues: ‘We believe it is never too late to make a better choice for your life.  ‘For the sake of your family & for your own sake, consider 2013 the year you choose a new & better life.  ‘Make your New Year’s resolution now! We’re here to help.’ There’s even a phone number they can call.

The Christmas greeting hasn’t gone down well with everyone though and several complaints have been posted on the police Facebook page.

As for effectiveness? Word is, police are well on the way to halving Abbotsford’s crime since 2008 by 2013 and  Canada’s ‘murder capital’, is becoming one of the safest cities in the country. Looks like it’s working.  So what do you think?

And how many days, hours and minutes until Christmas Day – To see how long where you live click here.  It’s 6 days, 8 hours, 32 minutes, 17 seconds  and counting

And for no good reason except that I sometimes, well quite often,  have trouble parking and think some assistance would be helpful I am sharing here the Spanish version of car parking – hilarious

And now girls take a look at this Christmas gift list just to make sure you get what you want.  Leave it in a prominent place so that he can’t miss it.  And you fellows take note too.

Wish list

or, on second thoughts, you might want to read my recent post – You Bought Me What!
Here ends yet another scrappy post  today.

Hysteria

Clapping hands

Note – This is Blog No 501.  Worthy of applause? Now for tonight’s blog.

Tonight we went to the movies.  Yes again.  The choice of movies at our local bijoux theatre was good – The Wish, Your Sister’s Sister, On The Road and more, and we chose Hysteria.

It is described as a romp through London in the late 1800s when Hysteria was a catch-all phrase for many women’s problems.  Click here to see the trailer.

I thought it was all terribly ‘tongue in cheek’ until I looked up our good friends at Wikipedia.  Here we learn “hysteria was a once-common medical diagnosis, made exclusively in women, which is today no longer recognized by modern medical authorities as a medical disorder. Its diagnosis and treatment were routine for many hundreds of years in Western Europe.”

It appears that there really was a Dr (Joseph) Mortimer Granville who invented the electro-mechanical vibrator as a means to achieve this ‘paroxysm” in his female patients without his (the doctor) having to stand for up to an hour administering the ‘pelvic massage’.  There had been an earlier invention by an American physician,  a steam-powered vibrator called ‘The Manipulator’ .  Granville’s invention was rapidly followed by other contraptions none of which could be manipulated away from the doctor’s surgery.

Sears catalogue advertising vibrator

A 1918 Sears, Roebuck and Co. ad with several models of vibrators. via Wikipedia

Then along came electricity giving the ability to use vibrators in one’s own home, then of course, came all sorts of battery operated toys including vibrators.  And if we are to believe all we are told millions of vibrators reside in homes around the world.  But no,  I won’t ask if you have one.

News of Andy

That Andy is becoming a world traveller.  Not only has he been to Florida,  Texas, Virginia Beach and Iowa we now learn that he is getting out his passport once again to visit Darlene in Victoria, BC.  We know he has a passport because he recently spent some time with us in New Zealand.

Andy on the bed

This looks like a good place to rest

Andy appears to make himself at home wherever he lands.  He was very tired after his long journey from Texas to Wellington and quickly found himself a comfortable place to rest.

He is a cheerful little chap and everyone just loves him.  He visited several places with us (that’s Lotte and me) and the folk at the local hospice particularly enjoyed his visits.  On several occasions I have been asked by staff members where he is and they are all agog at the fun we are having with this ‘white elephant armadillo.

Andy arriving at the Hospice

Checking he is in the right place and looking for his friends

He started out at Lenore Diane’s house in Georgia and then somehow convinced Lenore Diane that he needed to see the world.  Some of my fellow bloggers are multi talented and that LD even speaks Armadillo.  Who would have guessed? And is that a form of Cajun French or Louisiana French?

Lotte and Andy sleeping

There’s room on this chair for two

He not only gets on well with humans but dogs love him too.  Well Lotte at least tolerated him but was no doubt pleased to have her chair and her place in the car back once Andy left.

If you are interested in seeing where Andy has been and catching up on some of his travels (he even went to Beijing  and Shanghai with Beth Ann and her lovely husband) go to Lenore Diane’s Adventures of Andy page.

Thanks to Lenore Diane for starting this and to all those other bloggers who have joined in.

Time for Laughter

My day started in laughter when I read this post from Joss at Crowing Crone Joss.  Of course, most of us have heard this in one form or another over the years, but it always reduces me to tears of laughter.  I imagine the absolute panic as she goes through the various stages of self-help/mutilation.  Occasionally I have tried to self administer wax strips but in the end I always resort to a visit to the spa to have the waxing carried out.

But this post reminded me of a particularly harrowing time for me.  I have always loved to linger in the bath with a book and either a glass of wine (provided by my late husband) or a coffee in later years.

On this particular evening I got the bathroom ready, lit candles, brought up the coffee and book, made sure the bath pillow was inflated and in place and then poured in a liberal dose of bath oil that had been given to me by a friend.  For the first time ever I think, I took the cordless phone into the bathroom with me.  I don’t think I was expecting a call but who knows why.

The book was good, the water was topped up whenever it got a little cold and the coffee was perfect.  I wallowed for over an hour.

Came the time to get out of the bath, disaster struck.  I couldn’t get out.  My feet kept slipping from under me because of the oil and I couldn’t get a grip.  I tried kneeling and getting out from there – no good.  I tried slipping up the sloping end of the bath – that ended in my falling down hard back into the rapidly cooling bath water.  I looked at the phone and considered calling my daughter to come and help but knew that my delightful son-in-law would never let me live that down.  I looked around for any bright ideas.  The bath was not equipped with handles as many are today so no help there.

I was getting myself into quite a state (and panicking) when I looked down and beside the bath was the bathmat.  The light went on in my head.  I put the toweling bathmat  into the bottom of the bath and immediately was able to get out.  What a relief.  And while it is funny in retrospect, and while posts like the one from Joss bring it back into my mind, at the time it was quite scary.  And it was several weeks before I decided to take a bath again.

Mr Nobody

Have you met Mr Nobody yet?  When we were growing up he was a regular visitor to our house and again when my children were younger, he was often there too.

I know a funny little man,
As quiet as a mouse,
Who does the mischief that is done
In everybody’s house.
There’s no one ever sees his face,
And yet we all agree
That every plate we break was cracked
By Mr. Nobody

Chipped plate

‘Tis he who always tears our books,
who leaves our doors ajar;
he pulls the buttons from our shirts,
and scatters pins afar,
that squeaking door will always squeak,
because of this you see:
we leave the oiling to be done
by Mr Nobody.

He puts damp wood upon the fire,
So kettles cannot boil;
His are the feet that bring in mud
And all the carpets soil.
The papers always are mislaid,
Who had them last but he?
There’s no one tosses them about
But Mr. Nobody

And now I come to think of it, perhaps he and that Very Strange Old Lady have got together and decided that my home is where they want to co-habit, living  in blissful disinterest in how they upset my routine and my life.  I just wish they would find somewhere else.  Does anybody have a spare room for this awkward couple?
old woman

More on Weddings

This is the post I originally wrote on Sunday and then after it was posted, I got cold feet and changed it.  However, I do know that some of you read the original before it was deleted and don’t appear to have been offended by it.  So I thought I would re-post it. The changed bit comes after the wedding quotes. It might be a little different to the original but you get the idea.

“I asked him what kind of a wedding he wished for,
He said one that would make me his wife.”
~Author Unknown

For several years I acted as the Wedding Coordinator at an historic church here in Wellington.  New Zealand is a very young country, so historic in this instance is only some 140 years.  However, I enjoyed my time there and loved being involved with so many brides and grooms.  Each year we had around 90 weddings, so there were plenty of people for me to interact with.

For whatever reason, today I found myself looking through some of the poems that had been read at the ceremonies.  Of course, there were those that were used again and again, eg  from Captain Corelli’s Mandolin

“….Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away,
and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.
Those that truly love, have roots that grow towards each other underground,
and when all the pretty blossom have fallen from their branches,
they find that they are one tree and not two…”

and the Apache Blessing

“Now you will feel no rain,
for each of you will be shelter for the other.
Now you will feel no cold,
for each of you will be warmth to the other.
Now there will be no loneliness,
for each of you will be a companion to the other.
Now you are two persons,
but there is only one life before you….”

and of course 1 Corinthians 13

“… Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things…”

And many others.

And then I wondered about synchronicity being at work.  When I opened my emails today I found this. I apologise wholeheartedly to my blogging friends in Virginia but it is posted without malice.

Have a good day

You’ve Got Mail

Here is today’s email.

To             The Citizens of the United States of America
From      Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II,
Subject  Greetings.

In light of your immediate failure to financially manage yourselves and also in recent years your tendency to elect incompetent Presidents of the USA and therefore not able to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up ‘revocation’ in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.  A questionnaire may be circulated sometime next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

  1. The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as ‘colour,’ ‘favour,’ ‘labour’ and ‘neighbour.’  Likewise, you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters,  and the suffix ‘-ize’ will be replaced by the suffix ‘-ise.’  Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up ‘vocabulary’
  2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ‘like’ and ‘you know’ is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S.English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter ‘u” and the elimination of  ‘-ize.’
  3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
  4.  You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you’re not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can’t sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you’re not ready to shoot grouse.
  5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
  6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
  7.  The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
  8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
  9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of  known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. New Zealand beer is also acceptable, as New Zealand is pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth – see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
  10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys.  Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one’s ears removed with a cheese grater.
  11. You will cease playing American football. There are only two kinds of proper football; one you call soccer, and rugby (dominated by the New Zealanders). Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
  12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the Australians (World dominators) first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
  13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us mad.
  14.  An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
  15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!

Queen Elizabeth

Comme Un Chef

Once a month our local bijoux cinema in concert with Alliance Francais shows a French movie.  These are all wildly widely supported and we always try to see them.  This month’s offering was Comme Un Chef (The Chef).

A self-trained cook with haute-cuisine ambitions, Jacky (Michael Youn) gets sacked from a series of menial cooking jobs for taking exception to his customers’ taste. He even gets fired from a fast food restaurant where the customers want everything with fries.

Beatrice (Raphaelle Agogue), Jacky’s heavily pregnant girlfriend, tries to halt their financial meltdown by arranging a handyman position for him at an old folks home, but even here while he is painting the window frames, he can’t resist the  call of the kitchen.

But rather than tell you the story why don’t you watch the trailer.

We thoroughly enjoyed it and laughed as loudly as the rest of the audience.  I hope you get the opportunity to see this movie when it comes to your area.  I wasn’t even aware that I was reading the subtitles.  The body language and my school girl French (and of course the subtitles) allowed me to follow without a problem.

“The best way to appreciate your job is
to imagine yourself without one”
Oscar Wilde

The Visitor


We all grow up with the weight of history on us.
Our ancestors dwell in the attics of our brains
as they do in the spiraling chains of knowledge hidden
in every cell of our bodies.
Shirley Abbott, magazine editor and writer
1934 –

I have written before about this old lady who seems to inhabit my house alongside Lotte and me.  I haven’t invited her in, but wherever I go she is there before me.  When I go into the bathroom she is looking at me where the mirror is supposed to be.  I pass along the hall and there she is again.  She’s in the bedroom, the living room and at the front door.  I don’t know who she is or why she is living in my house.

Cross Old Woman

She doesn’t even appear to be happy that she is getting free board and lodging without having been invited.  And she has never heard the expression that guests are like fish – great on the first day, getting a little stale on the second and definitely off by the third.

So why is she here?  And today I even saw her at a friend’s house.  Is she stalking me? She was in the car on the way home getting a free ride.  But the most worrying thing is that I am the only one who ever sees her.  When I ask a family member they tell me that they can only see me.  So what’s going on here?

Seriously though, I remember somebody saying to my late husband when we decided to get married “Look at her mother.  That’s how she will look when she is older.”  And goodness me, that is coming true.  I always thought that I looked like my father but not any more.

And I hear myself saying some of the things she used to say and even doing things her way.  So is it genetics or learned behaviour?  I haven’t lived in the same house as Mother for 55 years and  she has been dead for 16 of those years.  Added to that I haven’t even lived in the same country for most of my adult life, so where does this come from? (Yes I know, grammatically incorrect but it reads better this way).

And then looking at the next generation.  I see my own daughter saying and doing things in the same way that my Mother used to and that I now do.  So like the family face some other things are passed down through the generations.

And the family face – here’s the first verse of the poem by Thomas Hardy (1840-1928):

I am the family face;
Flesh perishes, I live on,
Projecting trait and trace
Through time to times anon,
And leaping from place to place
Over oblivion.

So where is this rambling post taking me?  I don’t know but know it must end here.

“And now
as the water cascades and tumbles
over the rocks in its rush
down to join the river
so my thoughts tumble around my brain
looking for an outlet
or a safe place to stop.”
Judith Baxter, Blogger, Mother, Grandmother and Friend 1938 –