It’s now midnight as I finish this post. I determined to post each day from today when writing my Morning Pages (a la Julia Cameron) this morning.
So having no idea what to write about, I looked at some of the earlier posts – some 758 published since March 1, 2011 and came across this one from January 16, 2013 – A Day in the Life of..
Well, that brought up some good memories and so I thought I’d do the same today. So Another Day…..
A few days ago I wrote about a book I bought, The Artist’s Way for Retirement by Julia Cameron. So I’m now writing three pages each morning. Just anything that comes to mind, first thing in the morning. We are told to write these pages by hand not on the computer, and we are advised not to re-read our Morning Page. And now the honesty bit comes out. I haven’t managed every day since I started last week, but today is a whole new week and the beginning of the rest of my life.
Today I had an appointment with the Otolaryngologist more commonly known as an ENT Specialist and what a waste of time that was. 15 minutes in his office to be told exactly what I had been told on each of the three visits to the audiologist – the adventure I had earlier this year has affected my hearing. I’m so very glad that I wasn’t paying for his time. The Accident Compensation Corporation arranged this visit. Oh, the ACC is the organisation that administers New Zealand’s compulsory accident compensation scheme for personal accident insurance cover. So all costs associated with my accident are covered. Obviously, our taxes pay for the service.
An unorganised Skype call to a friend in Ontario was not successful and so will try again in a day or so; message with another friend in Sydney who is my buddy while we are doing The Artist’s Way, a walk, some reading and the day was over.
I did read and respond to blog posts from my blogging friends, then I looked back to October last year to see what words of wisdom I was spouting then.
I was still very raw following the death of the Architect. Trying to find my way back to living without him.
Early in that month I reflected on a post from the year before and made some amendments. The post was from Writing 101 – Personality on the Page. The challenge was –
“We all have anxieties, worries, and fears. What are you scared of?
Address one of your worst fears.
Today’s twist: Write this post in a style distinct from your own.
My response to this challenge was:
I have breezed through life with very few fears but
- I have always been afraid that something bad could happen to one of my loved ones
- I have been anxious about my aged parents on the other side of the world; both now dead
- I was afraid of cats until I took a course of EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) or Tapping as it is sometimes known. Now I am no longer afraid of cats and have even been known to stroke one, but
- My worst fear was realised at 2.28am on April 22 1998. My Dashing (not so) Young Scotsman died.
I wondered/ feared :
- How would I live without him
- How could I live without him
- Where would I live without him
- How could I go through each day knowing he wasn’t waiting for me at home
- How could I smile and pretend that life was “normal”
- What was normal anymore
- When would the “time heals” kick in
- When would I stop counting the hours, days since he died and move onto the months and years
And I found that while my worst fear had been realised on that ghastly day, I could:
- Live my life without him though I missed him madly
- Move house and so find where I could live without him
- Go through each day with his memories to help me
- What became normal was different to anything I had expected or experienced
- Time didn’t heal although the hurt was lessened as time passed
- Now I say he died 16 years ago.
And now after so long, my whole life has changed as I have a new partner and we are making a new life together.
Then last October I answered the same questions following the Architect’s death.
And once again, I found that
- I could live my life without him although I missed him madly
- I moved house again and found somewhere I could live without him
- I could get through each day without him but have the memories to help me
- And normal changed yet again
- And time doesn’t heal, the hurt lessens somewhat as time passes
- And he has now been dead for 14 months.
Also that month I wrote about The Streets of London :
“So how can you tell me you’re lonely,
And say for you that the sun don’t shine?
Let me take you by the hand and lead you through the streets of London
I’ll show you something to make you change your mind “
This is the chorus from Ralph McTell’s song The Streets of London”.
This is one of those songs that remind me just how lucky I am. We all have something about which to gripe and complain but unless one is battling a life threatening or terminating illness, they mostly are minor when put alongside those who are homeless , jobless and without any hope that things will improve.
If you have been following me for a while, you will know that for years I volunteered at a local hospice and saw first hand how those terminally ill folk dealt with the end of their lives. And then later, I saw the hospice movement from the other side, when the Architect spent the last 10 days of his life there.
And recently I following my April adventure, I spent time in rehab where I saw how others were dealing with brain injury and once again I was so very grateful that what could have been an absolute disaster for me and my family turned into a lesser disaster. I saw others who were so much worse off than me; some of whom had done pretty well the same as I had but who had suffered much worse.
My Attitude of Gratitude is set on high at present.
Last October I wrote about moving on and also about the way in which the Architect proposed that I live with him.
In all, a harrowing month but a year later, all is changed again and I am moving on.
The posts referred to are –
Writing 101: Personality on the Page
The Streets of London
Time to Move on Again
You are Beautiful
I don’t know if that is really a day in my life, but it’s what I’ve been thinking of today as I went about the daily chores, walking, writing and enjoying my life.