V is for – (The) Visitor

I have written about this unwelcome visitor several times since starting this blogging journey in March 2011.
And still, she bugs me. But after so many years of her staying uninvited in my place,
I guess I shall have to accept (graciously or not) to her presence and perhaps learn to ignore her!

THE VISITOR

Posted on May 14, 2012 | 33 Comments | Edit

We all grow up with the weight of history on us.
Our ancestors dwell in the attics of our brains
as they do in the spiraling chains of knowledge hidden
in every cell of our bodies.
Shirley Abbott, magazine editor and writer
1934 –

I have written before about this old lady who seems to inhabit my house alongside Lotte and me.  I haven’t invited her in, but wherever I go she is there before me.  When I go into the bathroom she is looking at me where the mirror is supposed to be.  I pass along the hall and there she is again.  She’s in the bedroom, the living room and at the front door.  I don’t know who she is or why she is living in my house.

She doesn’t even appear to be happy that she is getting free board and lodging without having been invited.  And she has never heard the expression that guests are like fish – great on the first day, getting a little stale on the second and definitely off by the third.

So why is she here?  And today I even saw her at a friend’s house.  Is she stalking me? She was in the car on the way home getting a free ride.  But the most worrying thing is that I am the only one who ever sees her.  When I ask a family member they tell me that they can only see me.  So what’s going on here?

Seriously though, I remember somebody saying to my late husband when we decided to get married “Look at her mother.  That’s how she will look when she is older.”  And goodness me, that is coming true.  I always thought that I looked like my father but not any more.

And I hear myself saying some of the things she used to say and even doing things her way.  So is it genetics or learned behaviour?  I haven’t lived in the same house as Mother for 55 years and  she has been dead for 16 of those years.  Added to that I haven’t even lived in the same country for most of my adult life, so where does this come from? (Yes I know, grammatically incorrect but it reads better this way).

And then looking at the next generation.  I see my own daughter saying and doing things in the same way that my Mother used to and that I now do.  So like the family face some other things are passed down through the generations.

And the family face – here’s the first verse of the poem by Thomas Hardy (1840-1928):

I am the family face; 
Flesh perishes, I live on, 
Projecting trait and trace 
Through time to times anon, 
And leaping from place to place 
Over oblivion.

So where is this rambling post taking me?  I don’t know but know it must end here.

“And now
as the water cascades and tumbles
over the rocks in its rush
down to join the river
so my thoughts tumble around my brain
looking for an outlet
or a safe place to stop.”
Judith Baxter, Blogger, Mother, Grandmother and Friend 1938 –

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I is for I Went For a Walk

Well, nine days into the challenge I set myself. And we come to “I”.
There were several posts I could have used but I decided to go back to that time in 2016 when
following my misadventure, I wasn’t allowed to drive. So let’s look back –

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Posted on July 13, 2016 | 21 Comments | Edit

I went for a walk today – doesn’t that sound so very basic and normal.  But for me it isn’t normal yet.

I’ve been getting around, being taken places by family friends and a great organisation here called Driving Miss Daisy.  This organisation is quite different to cabs – they come to the house, walk with me to the car, take me wherever I want to go for coffee, lunch, to visit friends, or to attend appointments.

But having said how great all these people are there’s nothing quite like being out on your own two legs, walking outside after so long being confined to walking only around the garden.  Yesterday my youngest grandson walked with me to the end of the drive.  It’s uphill and so a bit of a challenge.

Then today, my lovely Physiotherapist took me for a short drive to the next suburb. We parked the car and then walked a short distance to a cafe for coffee.  Suddenly, I felt as if I had some control.  It’s amazing what a difference something as small as a walk away from the house can make.

And looking back a year.  On this day, I was totally involved in being with and supporting The Architect as he fought and lost his battle against the imposing tumour.  How different life was then and how it brought home to me once again, that life is short and can be taken in the blink of an eye.

Then I looked further back and remembered this day five years ago –With a Little Help From My Friends.  What a lovely day that was and that is the grandson who walked with me yesterday.  How he has grown in five short years.

And on this day four years ago I was thinking about the names we give our children, and the effects they can have on them  in later life. – Samarra.

This time three years ago I was getting excited about the next stage in my long and lovely life. 

On July 13 2014 the Architect and I were in Edinburgh.  We wet to a restaurant for brunch and I ordered a Bloody Mary but as it was 11.15 am we had to wait until 11.30 am for the bar to be opened.  Strange Scottish alcohol laws. But we spent much of the rest of the day in and around the castle.  Of course, I had lived in Scotland for 8 years at one time but my partner had never been there, and of course as an architect, he was fascinated with the old and new buildings.

High Street, Edinburgh

Scottish Parliament Building

So lots of happy memories on this day interspersed with a few not so happy.

But I say I choose how I’ll spend the rest of my life and I choose to look forward.–

Synchronicity, Serendipity or Coincidence

In August 2017 I wrote a blog post with the same title. The post was about these  three words, used often in every day language, but sometimes misused and/or ill defined.

Serendipity is defined as –
the occurrence and developments of events by chance, in a happy or beneficial way.

In the earlier post I told how my good friend and sister of choice, Chris at BridgesBurning wrote about the serendipity of three people, all in different continents, two in the Northern Hemisphere and one far away in the Southern, connected over a comment on Skype. And into our friendship of two there came another one.

Synchronicity is defined as –
the simultaneous occurrence of events which appear signiicantly related
but have no discernible causal connection.
And according to Carl Jung  – synchronicity is an ever present reality for those who have eyes to see.

These words, Synchronicity and Serendipity, are often confused and used in the wrong context.  They are quite different and should be used differently.  As I pointed out in the  earlier post- it would not have been correct for Chris to use synchronicity in her telling, but it is correct when we both write about the same thing in a blog post.  Or when I send an email saying we should Skype only to find that she has sent the exact email to me.

And we often find this synchronicity in our every day life.    I  recall a perfect example of this when training to be a Life Coach many years ago.  I had read  about Sedona in Arizona; the red rocks and the general feeling of spiritual well-being; and the artists and healers who flock there, and so determined that I would go there in the not too distant future.  The course was conducted on a phone link of 2 hours each Monday evening.  Once soon after I logged in,  I heard one of the other participants talking about a visit he had made to Sedona the previous year and how he was planning on returning the next year for the Sedona Film Festival.

My mind/imagination was captured by this place and then the next morning, in an email from my sister in Los Angeles, she said she thought the next time I visited we should go to Sedona as she had heard such great things about it.

Well didn’t that exactly meet the definition –  significantly related but have no discernible causal connection?

And serendipity at work again the shortly after the death of The Architect, I was thinking about him and about the firm he had established many years ago.  Later that day I was at the hospice where he had died,  and learned that it was his old firm that would be doing the architectural work for the new hospice building.

And coincidence? I often say that there is no such thing as coincidence, but do I really believe that?  There is definitely synchronicity, serendipity and probably there is room for coincidence too.

The definition of Coincidence is – a striking occurrence of two or more events
at one time apparently by mere chance:

Several years ago I was in London for the weekend.  The elderly woman for whom I was playing companion went off to a wedding which left me free.  It just so happened that friends were visiting London from NZ and we decided to meet up.  The first evening we went around the corner from their apartment looking for some place to have a drink and decide where to eat.  Imagine my surprise when, on turning the corner, I saw three other friends, a couple from Auckland, NZ and one from Sydney, Australia.  I hadn’t seen any of these people for several years, so their being in London at just that particular weekend, and at that time, in that bar was certainly a coincidence. And –

“If there were no such thing as coincidence,
there would be no such word”
Heron Carvic (born Geoffrey Rupert William Harris)
English actor writer.   1913 –  1980 

And why am I revisiting  this earlier post? On Monday, January 4, I posted about my word for the coming year. That word is Hope and with it comes all the great things we can hope for in this coming year.  Today I met a friend for lunch at a garden centre.  The choice of venue was hers and the reason for the location was so that she could buy me my Christmas present.  I chose a rose.  She had arrived earlier than me and on looking around the centre her eyes had alighted on a particular rose.  And its name is HOPE.  Without  a doubt, this is Synchronicity at work again. And by the way, this friend is not a follower of my blog.

“Hope can be a powerful force. Maybe there’s no actual magic in it,
but when you know what you hope for most and hold it like a light within you,
you can make things happen, almost like magic.” 
Laini Taylor, American Young Adult Fantasy Author
1971 – 

A NEW FRIEND

 

“Travel makes one modest.
You see what a tiny place you occupy in the world.”
― Gustave Flaubert

This week for only the second time, I met a blogging buddy face to face.

Way back in September 2013 I met Sallyann of Photographic Memories and we had a great day in Oxford, together with my sister. We saw things that visitors would not normally see and had a great time.

In case you missed it, or are like me and can’t really remember back seven years, here’s the link – https://growingyoungereachday.wordpress.com/2013/09/18/the-oxford-adventure/

And this week, Lois from Write Along With Me, came to Wellington on a cruise ship. We had a very little time together but how nice just to sit, two ancient ladies, chatting about our lives, so different and in many ways, so alike.  Here’s her latest post – https://loisroelofs.com/2020/03/13/sailing-on-the-high-seas/.

We discussed whether to meet beforehand and decided that because she hadn’t been anywhere there were concerns about Covid 19, we would meet. When were we ever going to be both in the same city again? The likelihood was pretty remote if not non-existent.

So on a beautiful Wellington Tuesday, I picked her up and though we had little time we had a drive around the bays that ring our beautiful city. She admired our pristine and deserted beaches and commented on the fact that the beach was so close to our capital city. While driving around we chatted like two old friends. The cafe I took her to was closed, so we went to my favourite place for lunch. But Lois had been eating a lot on the ship and so it was decided Coke and cake for her, tea and cake for me.

Then a Tiki Tour back to where the shuttle bus would pick her up to go back to the ship. And we were lucky. The next day our Prime Minister declared New Zealand closed to all cruise ships until at least June 30.

When Lois left here they were going to the South Island and then on to Australia. I have heard from her that they weren’t allowed to disembark in Tasmania, so waiting to hear where to next; she is having a real adventure.

 

 

 

 

Making Memories, Finding Friends.

“Lazy Sunday afternoon
I’ve got no mind to worry
I close my eyes and drift away-a”
Small Faces  1960s –  an English rock band from East London 

Sunday afternoon and it’s here before anywhere else in the world. Well, this Sunday was great.

The day started with a late rising, followed by a chat with my daughter and then another chat this time on Facetime with my good friend Chris at Bridges Burning. We regularly chat and although we’ve never met in person, we are firm friends. Maybe if one of us wins the lottery we might get to meet. Waterloo, Ontario is far from Wellington, New Zealand. Aren’t we lucky we live in a time when the internet makes connecting with friends so easy?

Then after lunch, a ‘short’ run to the supermarket for a very few things. As my daughter says “why go to the supermarket on Sunday afternoon when you have all week?” No answer to that one.

Now it was time to sit in the sunshine and relax. So teapot and cup close at hand I logged into my site. I wondered what I had been posting about last year and the year before. I knew there wouldn’t be much in 2016; that’s when I had my misadventure.

Then I thought about the time when The Architect was first hospitalised and diagnosed with the brain tumour. What did I share with my blogging pals then?

I had been nominated by Cat at Catterel to take part in the Five Day Challenge – post a picture each day with some prose to accompany it. Well, I did that and as directed nominated another blogger each day to take part. Unfortunately, very soon after writing those posts, I was taken up with hospital and medical things so I really didn’t give those bloggers the attention they deserved. I have rectified it this afternoon.

Catterel a poet who was born in the UK, spent some years in Germany where she became a German citizen and now, after spending more than half her life in Switzerland, she has decided to apply for citizenship. Join her at Catterel.wordpress.com to see what else she has been up to.

So to Sallyann at Photographic Memories, Darlene at darlenefoster.wordpress.com; Patricia at Patricia’s Place and Granny at Granny 1947.wordpress.com, thanks for joining in and apologies again for not reading and commenting on your posts at the time. I have tried to remedy this but some posts were not available.

And Finding Friends? Well in reading the posts by the above-mentioned bloggers I discovered other bloggers and went over to see what they had to say. And now I have subscribed to some of the blogs.

I have a new friend. Marian Beaman was brought up as a Mennonite girl in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania. I’ve enjoyed reading about this. Her memories are so interesting: her childhood so very different from mine. Visit her at www.marianbeaman.com.

Barbara at March of Time Books lives in the UK.  Barbara  blogs about all things that interest her, “vintage books, postcards and ephemera” but as she says ‘you will also find me musing on many other topics.” Shoot over to her site to see what she is musing about now.

Barb at www.barbtaub.com Her blog is full of humour and easy reading for a sunny Sunday afternoon.

Chuck Jackson is a retired accountant living in South East Florida. He is a writer, having had three books published. You can read synopses and some excerpts from his books on www.chuckjacksonknowme.com

So another Sunday afternoon came to an end. There’s laundry to fold and dinner to make. But I shall go back to read more from/about these new friends soon.

“Many people will walk in and out of your life,
but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart” 
Eleanor Roosevelt, 1884 – 1962
 American political figure, diplomat and activist.

 

 

 

 

 

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What a Difference

 

Our own New Zealand Christmas tree. Image via Wikipedia

What a difference a Day Year makes.

In December 2015 I was bemoaning the fact that my Late Love, the Architect had died and so 2015 was not a great year.  But I was especially grateful for all the outpouring of love and friendship that followed this.  I was looking forward to seeing the end of 2015 and a better 2016.

On this day last year, I was bemoaning the fact that I had a fractured shoulder having injured it on the same date as five years earlier I had fractured my ankle.

Earlier in the year, I had my misadventure, falling over my feet and fracturing my skull.  A visit to hospital and rehab and after several months I was back home and learning to do things for myself once again.

So in all, 2016 was not a great year but I was also very grateful for the fact that my health is good and my body is strong and my mental attitude is in the right place, so that I survived the hiccups during the year. And once again I was moved by  and grateful for  the love and support from my friends both in real life and in the blogosphere  

So on this day, I was looking forward to seeing the end of 2016 and a  better 2017.

And 2017  has been a very good year.  Totally recovered and back to normal, well normal for me.  The family members are thriving, all boys growing into fine young men.  So, as Sinatra sings :

“But now the days grow short
I’m in the autumn of the year
And now I think of my life as vintage wine
From fine old kegs
From the brim to the dregs
And it poured sweet and clear
It was a very good year .”

And here’s to 2018.  May you all have a great year, free of mishaps, sickness, and worries.  That will be my Resolution for 2018 when January 1 comes around.

And do you need a rainbow in your life?  Here’s mine to share.

My rainbow

 

Friends in Far Flung Places

“Friendship is born at the moment when one man says to another
“What! You too? I thought that no one but myself …
CS Lewis 1898-1963 – Four Loves

We are so lucky to have all the things available to us that weren’t available in our parents’ time.  In particular, I mean Skype.

I have just finished a call of 1 hour and 20 minutes to two of my sisters by choice, Chris at Bridges Burning and Joss at Joss Burnel Author.  And yes, the link to Joss’ blog is all about me.  How’s that!

Anyway, we have this weekly chat and get together.  Three women, who are true friends but who met through the wonderful world of blogging.  Very far apart in miles but so close together in friendship and love.  How I wish Skype had been available when my parents were alive.  How much better it would have been for all of us, especially the children, to have been able to have long family chats whenever we wanted to.

Now back to today.  Unfortunately, Chris is recovering from a bad cold and departed early in the call to lie down and recuperate.  That left just two of us.  I’m particularly interested in Ecuador and what it is like as an expat living there.   Joss and her ‘sweetie’ Gerard have been in Ecuador for about 3 years (I think) and they are thriving.  Joss has a group of friends with whom she shares time and experiences and writing.  And Gerard? Well Gerard does what Gerard does.

Having just finished a successful Writers’ Conference, Joss and her cohorts/friends are just organising another conference for next March and I thought I should like to go.  Oh I know it’s so far away, but we can all dream can’t we?  And I even looked up flights.  Well yes, one can get from Auckland, New Zealand to Quito, Ecuador for about $12,000 return economy fare.  I didn’t even look at Business Class. But I think I shall have to wait until somebody has some specials on flights to Ecuador, or maybe I’ll win Lotto tomorrow. Note to self – buy Lotto ticket.  And Joss, it isn’t a 7 hours flight as you had earlier thought, it’s it’s one day and 4 hours.  Oh yes, we have already laughed when you shared your thoughts on the time of the flight.

So now, having been brightened on this autumn day by speaking with my friends, I shall spend the rest of the day, reading and drinking tea and looking forward to next week’s chat.

I found this on Pinterest. I hope I’m not impinging on anyone copyright.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Friendship

“Friendship … is born at the moment when one man says to another
“What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . .”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

This was posted by Darlene Foster on her Facebook page yesterday.  I have known and used this quote for many years.  And recently I have been thinking long and hard on the power of friendship.

I have waxed lyrical (well, I hope t was lyrical) about all the help my friends gave me last year when I was incapacitated.  Friends who offered physical help, driving, shopping, cooking but also the friends and family around the world including the many I now have through our blogging community who offered support.

We are so lucky in this age of technology where we can communicate instantly by email, messages or my favourite, Skype.  In fact, I have a regular Skype call with Chris at Bridges Burning and now we have arranged that on our next call Joss at The Wise Woman in Me will join us.  How great is that!

And then I looked on Goodreads to see what other words of wisdom Lewis had shared and I came upon two more

“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art….
It has no survival value;
rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.”

And I think my favourite is

“What draws people to be friends
is that they see the same truth.
They share it.”

So there you have my thoughts for today.  Thinking of the many friends I have both physically in Real Life and in the Blogosphere.  Thank you all for caring and sharing.

And now, as we haven’t seen this for a while, I offer you my waterfall.  The photo was taken at McLaren Falls, Tauranga several years ago but I still love it.

And in case you are interested in my weather comments.  Today there is no rain, the sun peeked through for a very short time and there is no wind.  Maybe the summer isn’t lost; it’s only been resting.

Ain’t Technology Great!

 

 

I’m so excited.  One of my earliest contacts in the blogosphere was Chris from bridgesburning.  Over the years we have formed a friendship and have sent each other messages via Messenger and also emails.  But today was a Red Letter Day.  Using our iPads I got to speak to my friend for the very first time.  We live 14,038 kms apart (according to our friend Google) and it was as if we were speaking/sitting in the same room.

She sounded exactly as I had thought she would.  Friendly and seemingly as pleased to speak to me as I was to speak to her.

What did we speak about?  Oh, inconsequential things that two women friends discuss.  We didn’t try to put the world right; to stem the flow of heroin or cocaine; to settle the conflicts in various parts of the world.  No.  We talked about families, and how we have each moved back from other places and how we were settling back into our old lives again.

So thank you Mr Technology whoever you are for giving us this opportunity.  This was the first but I’m sure it won’t be the last.  And next time we are going to see how we can make the video work.  Won’t that be fun?

Thanks to siliconangle.com for the photo.

 And a couple of years ago while on a visit to London my sister and I met up with Sallyann from PhotographicMemories.  That was a fun filled day in Oxford and great to meet a fellow blogger in person.   I think my sister and Sallyann have met up for lunch since that day.

 “There is no distance too far between friends,
for friendship gives wings to the heart.”
Anonymous

It’s Wellington on a good day

It’s Saturday again and time to join the gang at Six Word Saturday. Click on the badge to play along.

This has been the most perfect January day. Temperatures in and around 30 degrees. This is hot in this temperate climate and the pool at my son’s house was in high demand..

Lunch at a friend’s house but we decided it was too hot to eat outside so three elderly ladies ate lunch inside. Much laughter, exchange of stories and general well being. Some three and half hours later we decided that lunch was over.

How incongruous on this hot day the man delivering winter firewood arrived.

Back to lunch and how different was today’s lunch to yesterday’s.  Another beautifulWellington day but this time lunch with a friend who has dementia. Added to that is the problem that she is unable to walk without her Zimmer frame and you can see lunch was not a bundle of laughs.

I picked up my friend and we went to the beautiful Wellington Botanic Gardens. 25 hectares of landscaped gardens, protected natural bush, specialised plant collections and of course the famous Lady Norwood Rose Garden.  Nestled into the Rose Garden is the Begonia House set in a Victorian conservatory. And at the side of the Begonia House under the same roof is a delightful cafe. As you can imagine on such a lovely day it was full of people chatting, laughing and enjoying lunch.

Our lunch was a quieter more somber affair.  My friend who used to be the centre of any gathering was very quiet.  She has trouble remembering. Oh, she remembers names and who you are.  She has difficulty remembering events and words to describe her thoughts and feelings.

How scared she must be and how scared will her family be. She is aware that she isn’t making sense and gets annoyed with herself and there’s no way for me to help.

After a short run around the waterfront (in the car of course) I delivered her back home to her lovely husband.  I made us all a cup of tea and then left once again saying thanks to whichever god is looking out for me.

I really feel for this once vibrant, educated and intelligent woman whose life is now confined to their apartment and who now has to wait for a friend or family member to take her out. When I think of all the ills that could befall one, this would be the hardest to bear.