Tag Archives: Fear

Tea Drinkers Unite

It had been a tiring day. Visit to the hospital, discussions with the doctor, the therapist and of course, her mother. It was very distressing that her mother barely recognised her; she often thought her a nurse.

The one bright moment in the harrowing afternoon was when an orderly brought the tea tray. At that moment her mother reverted to how she used to be, graciously pouring tea into the bone china cups and offering cake and biscuits.

This ritual of offering and accepting the cup of tea brought her mother back to her, if only for a short time.

The 100 Word Challenge is to tell a story in only 100 words.
This week’s theme is “Cup”

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Writing 101: Personality on the Page

Today’s Challenge and I still haven’t caught up but decided I should like to do this one now.

The Challenge is :

“We all have anxieties, worries, and fears. What are you scared of? Address one of your worst fears.

Today’s twist: Write this post in a style distinct from your own.

This looked like a real challenge.  Where to start?

I have breezed through life with very few fears but

  • I have always been afraid that something bad could happen to one of my loved ones
  • I have been anxious about my aged parents on the other side of the world; both now dead
  • I was afraid of cats until I took a course of EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) or Tapping as it is sometimes known.  Now I am no longer afraid of cats and have even been known to stroke one but
  • My worst fear was realised at 2.28am on April 22 1998.  My Dashing (not so) Young Scotsman died.

I wondered/ feared :

  • How would I live without him
  • How could I live without him
  • Where would I live without him
  • How could I go through each day knowing he wasn’t waiting for me at home
  • How could I smile and pretend that life was “normal”
  • What was normal anymore
  • When would the “time heals” kick in
  • When would I stop counting the hours, days since he died and move onto the months and years

And I found that while my worst fear had been realised on that ghastly day, I could:

  • Live my life without him though I missed him madly
  • Move house and so find where I could live without him
  • Go through each day with his memories to help me
  • What became normal was different to anything I had expected or experienced
  • Time didn’t heal although the hurt was lessened as time passed
  • Now I say he died 16 years ago.

And now after so long, my whole life has changed as I have a new partner and we are making a new life together.

Note: I don’t know if I have met the challenge in the way in which it was designed.  I hope so.

 

A Fright

The alley was so dark.  No lights showing anywhere and along both sides were dark shadows; unknown lumps perhaps of boxes, perhaps of people waiting to hurt her.  But she had to go down that street to gain access to her building.  There was no other way; no other choice.

Behind her she could hear the loud mouthed youths taunting her.  Telling her in crude words what they would do to her when they caught her.

So she ran.  This encouraged the youths.  They too ran, laughing and jeering.  She was out of breath and crying and one of her shoes came off as she ran.  But she knew she had to go down that alley to reach her building and the safety of her family.

Suddenly coming towards her she saw the light of a torch.  Her Father, being worried at the lateness of the hour, had come looking for her.  Never had she been so pleased to see him.  She ran to him crying and laughing at the same time.  He gently held her and they turned towards home.  At that moment she vowed that never again would she remonstrate with him about waiting up for her and scolding her for being late home.

And the youths?  As with all bullies they disappeared as soon as they saw an adult coming to rescue his daughter.

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Note – I have so enjoyed Janna T’s entries in the Trifecta challenge  that I thought I would try my hand at it.  This is my first attempt.

This week’s challenge is to write an entry between 33 and 333 words using the word alley defined as – ALLEY (noun):  a narrow street; especially : a thoroughfare through the middle of a block giving access to the rear of lots or buildings.

The complete guidelines for the challenge can be found by clicking  here .

Face your fears

These are two of my sayings about fear.  Try them on for size.  See if they fit.

“Let go of apprehension and have confidence.
All you need to do is take the first step and everything will fall into place.”

and

Some of us are more afraid of success than of failure.  Believe it or not, it’s right up there with fear of public speaking.

My mind was directed to facing your fears today when speaking to a friend.  And I remembered this article that I had published in a magazine a couple of years ago.  It was accompanied by a picture of an ogre and for some of us, our fears are like ogres.

Lonely woman

Fear is an acronym for – False Evidence Appearing Real – and this can be applied to all our fears. We all have them – so what is it you’re afraid of?  Is it:

  • Fear of public speaking – identified as the no. 1 fear for most people
  • Making decisions
  • Changing jobs – or any change
  • Growing older
  • Being alone
  • Success
  • Failure
  • Losing a loved one
  • Dying
  • Making a commitment.

I think I was one of those more afraid of success than of failure.  I was always going to write articles or even a book when the time was right, or when the ideas were properly organized in my mind and in my many notebooks. When I had time. When I had a real space in which to write, and on and on. Well, one day I said,”Enough! I can’t wait for everything to be right before I begin so, as the ad says, just do it.”

Here are some steps to help you face and overcome your fears:

  1. Write down your fears – when you see them on paper they lose some of their power.
  2. Decide which two of these fears you most want to conquer. Remember it’s too easy to overwhelm yourself with change. Take on a small number and when you have conquered those, take on some more. Remember to reward yourself when you have conquered a fear.
  3. Change your self-talk – don’t reinforce the fact that you fear flying, dying, or whatever it is. Listen to what you say to yourself and also listen to what comes out of your mouth.
  4. You attract to you that which you think about most so when you begin to think about your fear, change the thought to an affirmation – I enjoy flying or I love to write.  If decision-making is your fear, tell yourself, “I can’t lose whatever decision I make”.Affirmations may sometimes sound like you are being fraudulent (oh, who do you think you’re kidding?) but, over time, the little voice in the back of your head will be quiet.
  5. Turn up to the page to write your article; talk about dying with your close friends and relatives; volunteer at a hospice near you; make that decision – you can always change it; join Toastmasters or another club; spend time with older people and see how much they are enjoying this time in their life.
  6. Above all, act as if it is so. This is not the same as fake it till you make it.  People will soon see through that.

If you feel brave enough look for situations where you can face your fear.

  • Volunteer to introduce the guest speaker or give the thank you at the next club meeting.
  • Put aside some time to be on your own.  Here you can clearly determine what you enjoy on your own – is it reading, walking swimming?
  • Get involved in a club where you can meet new people.
  • Start looking for a change of job – attend interviews and be prepared.
  • Join a club so you don’t always have to be alone.  There will be at least one in your neighbourhood that attracts you.
  • If commitment is your fear, then commit to somebody for a short time, say for one week.  Then extend that commitment to two, three and more weeks.  If it works out great, if not you can try it with another person.

Take back your power. With positive thinking and affirmations, we know we can change anything and any situation. My favourite mantra is ‘If you can conceive it and believe it, you will achieve it.’
Remember too, that nothing happens without action and, in this instance, it has to be action on your part.  Take things slowly, take your time and enjoy the process if you can.  You’ll never know if you are a success or a failure until you try.  Facing and overcoming your fears, although scary, can be very liberating. Try it.

And of course, I have already posted a blog on this subject earlier.  In that, I gave other meanings for the acronym FEAR.  My favourite is Face Everything and Rejoice.

“I would sort out all the arguments and see which belonged to fear and which to creativeness. Other things being equal, I would make the decision which had the larger number of creative reasons on its side.”
Katharine Butler Hathaway 1890-1942, American author.


So what is it that you fear?

Storm

Remember that fear always lurks behind perfectionism.  Confronting your fears and allowing yourself the right to be human can, paradoxically, make you a far happier and more productive person.  Dr David M Burns.

I am part of a group of women who get together to support and learn from each other.  This is a new group that has had only one meeting so far.  At that meeting it was decided that future meetings would have a ‘theme’ and the ‘theme’ for tonight’s (the second) meeting would be FEAR.

We were asked to put something together about our fears and how we planned to get over them aka move/live through them and come out the other side.

When I sat down to put together my piece for the meeting I thought about the many acronyms for FEAR and several came immediately to mind.

The obvious one is False Expectations Appearing Real but what about

For Everything a Reason

Forget Everything and Run

Forget Everything and Remember

Failure Expected and Received

Face Everything and Rejoice

False Emotions Appearing Real

Forget Everything and Relax

Future Events Appearing Real

Of these my favorite is ‘Face Everything and Rejoice”.

But of course when we usually talk about FEAR it is in the negative sense.  For me, having lived this long and interesting life, there really is nothing I fear except perhaps ending my life as a vegetable.  This could be Alzheimer’s or some other debilitating illness.

MPH LogoEach week at the hospice I see people in the last stages of their life.  By the time they arrive at the hospice they all appear to have accepted that their life is coming to an end.  I don’t fear this as an ending to my life but I would hate to be totally dependent on somebody else for all my needs.

Not since I was a small child have I been dependent on somebody else.  I was inter-dependent with my late husband  for more than 40 years but this is something quite different.  We were mutually supportive of each other.

There are two things that I really dread – losing control of my mind and losing control of my body.

So I am doing everything I can to stop either of these things happening.  I walk up and down the hills of this very hilly suburb in Wellington, on a daily basis.  I walk to the local store and take opportunities to walk when I can.

Golf club and ball

Photo -Karl Nelleson

I play the occasional game of golf with a friend.  Neither of us is particularly good but we love the game and the open air.  I promise to play more golf in the coming months.

I read vociferously.  I love words and word Pile of bookspuzzles and these form part of my everyday life.  I play bridge, not as often as I used to but I promise I will take it up again.  I will find three others to play with on a regular basis.

Playing cards

I will keep on working on these things so that my daughter will never hear me say “Who are you?” when she comes to visit.  And I will also  exercise the body.


I would sort out all the arguments and see which belonged to fear and which to creativeness. Other things being equal, I would make the decision which had the larger number of creative reasons on its side.  ~Katharine Butler Hathaway 1890-1942, American author.