Tag Archives: active mind

Who Put You In the Driver’s Seat?

The reason we left Scotland and started our nomadic life (of sorts) is because my late husband worked for an international car rental company whose tagline was”Let Hertz put you in the driver’s seat.”  Are you old enough to remember this?  Click here for an ad of the times.

And when thinking of this it came to me that the men in our family Always want to be in the driver’s seat when driving the car.  When my husband was alive he always picked up the car keys when we were leaving the house – even if the keys were to my car.  Once he had his licence, my son assumed that he would drive us if his father were not around.

My son and son-in-law do the same thing still.  And this week, my grandson picked up my car keys.  But he didn’t get to drive as my car isn’t insured for anybody under 25.

I wondered whether this was a male thing generally or just peculiar to our family.

When I queried several friends they agreed that this was what happens in their families.  So why I have to ask myself.  And have no answer.

  • Do men think nobody else capable of driving?
  • Do they think we can’t find our way, with or without a map/satnav?
  • Does it give them a feeling of power?

Perhaps you have an answer.

If everything comes your way
You are in the wrong lane”  Unknown.

 

Ten Mindset Perspectives

“Now is the time to start living the life you’ve always wanted.”  Judith Baxter

Sunrise

Today is the first day of the rest of your life

When tidying my computer, and it was long overdue, I came across this page that was a handout I gave to those attending one of my Self Confidence courses.  See if it rings any bells with you.

  1. What we think is Always anchored by a belief, value or life experience that causes you to think as you do.
  2. We all view life through a ‘lens’ and that lens is a reflection of our beliefs, values and life experiences, including old wounds.
  3. How we view our possibilities is based on our beliefs.  These beliefs can be challenged and changed and challenged and we have the right to do so.
  4. When words like ‘can’t’, ‘have to’, ‘should’ and ‘shouldn’t’ are used there is a strong belief being expressed.
  5. Most of our beliefs were formed when we were children and often reflect the beliefs of adults in our lives.  Therefore, a good question to ask yourself about one of your beliefs is “Does this serve me and help me create the life I want?” and “Is this belief truth or merely someone’s opinion”.
  6. You do have the right to your own beliefs.
  7. Confusion, worry, anxiety, anger and frustration are often signs your inner wisdom is being blocked from coming through.
  8. Freedom comes as a result of stepping into your fears as opposed to stepping away from them.
  9. Let more than your mindset run your life.  Your inner wisdom knows what to do – listen to it.
  10. The way to readjusting your mindset is to become conscious of these beliefs and values.  the way to change them is to step into the unknown and dissect your beliefs.

I am now taking off my Life Coach hat and will return to the normal rambling posts on memories, nostalgia, family etc tomorrow.

Chinese character for Contentment

Contentment

“Becoming more and more aware of all that is possible moves your whole life into greater balance.” Author unknown.


Rediscovery

“Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it.  Action has magic grace and power in it.”  Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, 1749-1832, German playwright poet, novelist and dramatist.

I have just discovered (or maybe rediscovered) an all-purpose wonder that has been lurking in my cupboard for a while.

Recently, a friend asked me to pick up 20 kgs of bicarbonate of soda (aka baking soda) for her.  When asked what she was baking I was told it was for clearing the moss and algae off the driveway.  So I thought well I would give it a go.

Driveway

Brushed on - now what?

Apparently all one does is brush it on the surface and then when it rains it does its magic.  Well it is supposed to rain tomorrow so I shall see if it works.

When I met my friend for lunch on Wednesday she reported that her driveway is now clear of moss and algae.

We then started to talk about all the other uses for this long forgotten miracle in the kitchen.  Did you know:

  • Cleaning Sinks Either place bicarbonate of soda directly onto a damp cloth or make up a paste of soda with a little water. Wipe around the sink & rinse well.
  • Blocked Drains Pour about 16 tablespoons of bicarbonate of soda down the sink and then pour in about 120ml of white distilled vinegar. Put the plug in for a couple of minutes as the 2 chemicals will fizz. Rinse through with boiling water.
  • Oven Cleaner Dampen the floor of the oven, sprinkle with bicarbonate of soda and dampen again. Leave the mixture overnight and then remove with a cloth. Rinse with hot water.
  • Fabric Conditioner To make your own fabric conditioner, mix equal quantities of water, bicarbonate of soda and vinegar in a storage bottle, take care as the vinegar & soda will fizz up. Add ¼ cup of conditioner to your wash.
  • Deodorizing  Drains  To freshen drains & help prevent blockages, pour a cup of bicarbonate of soda down the drain and then wash down with some boiling water.
  • Pet Odors To help freshen carpets, sprinkle bicarbonate of soda on the carpet, leave for 10 minutes and then vacuum up.

And the list goes on.  I particularly liked the idea of a paste of bicarb to remove tea and coffee stains from cups.  As I drink both black tea and black coffee, my mugs regularly stain.  Until now I have used bleach to clean the stains away.  From now on I shall use my trusty new friend.

Lotte

And I found out, again from the same friend, that it is good to brush bicarbonate of soda into a dog’s coat.  This apparently, removes all dead dander and makes the coat shine.  I haven’t managed to try this out yet.  Lotte has retired to bed after her walk and shows no interest in having her coat covered in white powder.

Having discovered this hidden wonder I then got out my very old and battered copy of Mrs Beeton’s Cookery Book.  This one was published in 1894 – wow 117 years ago!

Mrs Beeton's cookery book

1984 Edition - Cost One shilling

This little gem opens with:

“It is not given to us all to become famous, but in this busy world there are few who, metaphorically speaking ‘need waste their sweetness on the desert air’ or in less poetical language, lead a useless life.  Specially does this apply to women, whom though perhaps less gifted with brain power than the sterner sex, have yet a greater versatility of talent, and who, if they seek it, can always find a vocation.”

What do you have to say about that?

Then onto another gem.  “A Good Housekeeping Cookery Compendium”.  This was published in 1957 and I remember purchasing this copy when somebody came around the office selling the book.  Mine looks as if it has had a hard life but I think that’s because when I was first married I didn’t know how to cook anything much more than an egg.

This little darling tells me:

“The money spent on food is the most important part of the household expenditure, and you will want to get the best possible value for your money.”  So what has changed in 54 years?  It goes on “It is obviously wise to deal with reliable tradespeople, so compare both quality and prices….bearing in mind that it is false economy to buy inferior goods to save a few pence.”

Then I picked up the book and it opened on page 393 – and the recipe was for stuffed mushrooms.  Well according to Shirley Conran author of Superwoman (among others) ‘Life’s too short to stuff mushrooms”  And if you are not old enough to know Shirley Conran she showed women of my generation that they didn’t have to be drudges (Dirt? Sweep it under the rug. Ironing? Hire someone to do it). Her book sales made her a millionaire. She survived a ‘humiliating’ marriage to design tycoon Sir Terence Conran  . And although Shirley Conran is, well, a bit dotty, she is still a force to be reckoned with.

Here endeth another rambling post.

“My idea of superwoman is someone who scrubs her own floors.”  ~Bette Midler

And just because I like it here is a shot of my favorite red shoes



Today really is the first day of the rest of your life

“Life is a great and wondrous mystery, and the only thing we know that we have for sure is what is right here right now. Don’t miss it.”
– Leo Buscaglia, 1924 – 1998, author, speaker, professor.

A few years ago, I had this fabulous Life Coach, Cari Vollmer.  Cari lives in Minneapolis and we still occasionally share emails.  Often one or other of us is bemoaning the weather we  currently have to endure.  And I am subscribed to her newsletter – passionintoprofit.com

This comes from a recent newsletter :

“Judith, share yourself, your life and your gifts. Get out there. Create an environment (environment = anything you surround yourself with including people, places and things) that SUPPORTS your dream. Stop doing the things that don’t and start doing the things that do.”

Isn’t this great advice?  And isn’t it something we should all do?

So starting today I am surrounding myself with only those things that support my dream.

  • I am breaking free of the tribe as per Anne Hartley author of “Love the Life You Live”.   I have the luxury of choosing with whom I want to spend time and I am no longer prepared to tolerate “toxic” people.
  • I am spending time with people I enjoy and whose ethics and morals align with mine.
  • I am surrounding myself with things of beauty that I love including Lotte the Tibetan Spaniel and of course, my grandsons.
  • I have now got rid of the ugly grass patch at the front of the house and replaced it with a patio.  Watch this space.  This will become a tranquil place in which to unwind.
  • I have de-cluttered my life and given away many things that no longer fit my lifestyle.
  • I am volunteering my time rather than just giving money.  This is really a ‘feel good’ thing.
  • I am spending more time writing and even less time on chores.  If you know me you are quite correct in asking the question “Can you spend any less time on chores?”

So what will you do to support your dream, starting today?

“Opportunities come in many shapes and sizes but they all have one thing in common; you have to take them when they appear.  Today, if you want to grab a big one you’ll be required to take a deep breath and elbow your way into the middle of things.  This may not be your usual style but isn’t this what you have been waiting for?”  Judith Baxter, Blogger, friend, life coach 1938 – 

Bottle of Champagne


No change today

“Better a little which is well done, than a great deal imperfectly.”Plato, classical Greek philosopher and mathematician

and  “Well begun is half done.” Aristotle, Greek philosopher and student of Plato.

Ready for the paving

The sun is shining, there is no wind, the area has been cleared but where are the contractors?  I was full of excitement this morning when I saw the sun shining after a weekend of almost constant rain and wind.  Surely the contractors would be here bright and early to finish what they started on Friday.

But no sign of them yet.  With the rain over the weekend, the area that was cleared is showing a great abundance of sprouting weeds.  But I guess the paving just goes over the top of that – hmm?

On Saturday, in a frenzy of excitement that while the patio was not finished, it was at least started, I went to the local Garden Center to buy plants for the gardens to be made around the patio.

Garden Centre

Lotte quite likes going there and she is a great favourite among the staff.  She wanders around on her lead, of course, checking out what is new since the last time we were there.  Well, I think that’s what she is doing, maybe she is just checking out which other dogs have been there before her.

The choice of plants is amazing.  I wanted several plants for different reasons

Jardiniere

Something that didn’t mind having its feet wet for the jardiniere.  There are no drainage holes in the jardiniere and so it fills with water as can be seen here.  This shot is not helped by the fact that no weeding has been done here for weeks. I settled on a Heucherella ‘Brass Lantern’.  I am assured by my trusty friend in the garden centre that this will thrive in my concrete pot.

Hebes

Something to fill in the spaces left when all the old plants have been removed.   I thought the Hebes would do well there and my friend at the GC agreed.  Here they are in the box just dumped there on Saturday in the pouring rain.

I have lots of pots from my living in apartments with only balconies instead of gardens, so I needed some more plants to fill a couple of these.

Australian Radermachera

Radermachera Summerscent

This is an Australian evergreen which I am reliably informed will do very well in a pot, is drought and sun hardy and tolerant of shade and cold.  And as a bonus, it has highly scented flowers.  A perfect plant for me!

Acacia Fettucini

Acacia Fettucini

and this Acacia Fettucini will also look good once planted as it will droop over the side of the pot.  There was a very large specimen at the Garden Center not for sale.  I am hoping mine will spread and droop in the same way.  And I love the name.

Pansies.

Then I saw these little pots of instant colour and decided that is just what I need to brighten a winter garden so I bought ten.  They will look good and welcoming in smaller green pots on the steps to the front door.

Camellias in pots

Camellias in waiting

And finally, some decision will have to be made about the four camellias I bought and then had no place to put them.  They have languished in pots at the front fence for months.  Finding a place for them in this very small garden will be a challenge.

So whether or not the contractors arrive this afternoon, I shall be busy and I shall start with my instant colour pots.  I do wish I could paint as they are the prettiest little darlings.  Blue tending towards purple with little yellow smiling centres.  This will be a lovely way to spend a cold, but sunny afternoon in Winter.

I found this quote from Abram L Urban in one of my books of quotations but cannot find anything about him.  Do you know of this writer?  I should be very pleased to have something to add to this quotation.

“In my garden there is a large place for sentiment.  My garden of flowers is also my garden of thoughts and dreams.  The thoughts grow as freely as the flowers, and the dreams are as beautiful”

STOP PRESS! STOP PRESS!

Concrete truck

The concrete cometh

It’s now 12.30pm and just as I was about to stop for lunch, the contractors arrived followed shortly by the concrete man.  So the patio will be worked on this afternoon and I am told they will be back to put the finish on it tomorrow.

So watch this space.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am Becoming the Woman I’ve Wanted

“I am becoming the woman I’ve wanted,
grey at the temples, soft body delighted, cracked up by life
with a laugh that’s known bitter but past it, got better,
knows she’s a survivor –
that whatever comes, she can outlast it.
I am becoming a deep weathered basket.”
Jayne Relaford Brown, American poet and teacher of Creative Writing.

This poem Finding Her Here opens the book I am Becoming the Woman I’ve Wanted.

Today’s blog was ‘inspired’ by a comment received on an earlier post.  I am sure that the commenter did not mean any disparagement but said words to the effect that he was surprised to find such a well-written blog and by a 72-year-old widow at that.

So I began to think what do others expect of older widows?  Granny duck

  • When my eldest grandson was at kindergarten the class was asked to talk about their grandmothers.  Most children apparently, gave glowing comments on how their grandmothers baked or knitted.  James piped up that his grandmother wore a hard hat and went on building sites – I did.
  • I wonder how Ruth Rendell’s grandchildren would describe her?  Ruth Rendell is a Socialist baroness and is the author of the highly successful Inspector Wexford mysteries  Including those of Wexford, she has written more than 70 books and is still writing well into her 80s.
  • And Barbara Walters is well known to all who live in North America.  This vibrant  American broadcast journalist and author also is in her 80s.  A year ago she underwent heart surgery and she is still involved and asking probing questions on air .
  • Isabel Allende is a Chilean novelist, author of several novels and a short fiction collection, as well as plays and stories for children. Born in 1942,  she has received international acclaim for her writing.
  • And the list goes on – Jean Auel, author of Earth’s Children® books, a series of novels set in prehistoric Europe is 75 and still writing;
  • Kuki Gullmann of whom I wrote in an earlier post is 68 years old.  Novelist and founder of the Gullmann Memorial Foundation in honour of her husband and son who were both killed in Africa;
  • Maya Angelou, born 1928, is an American author and poet who has been called “America’s most visible black female autobiographer”.
  • Apologies to the many amazing older women I have left out.  This is not because I think the accomplishments of those listed here are of greater worth, but simply because I would need to write for a couple of weeks to cover them all.

So to the person who made the comment – I thank you for the gracious things you said about my blog, but draw your attention to the fact that I still have many more years to live and many more adventures to have.  Writing my blog is just one of them.

Granny on computer

“The strength of women comes from the fact that psychology cannot explain us.
Men can be analyzed, women merely adored.” –
Oscar Wilde

 

I Know it’s Winter Because…

“Every winter,
When the great sun has turned his face away,
The earth goes down into a vale of grief,
And fasts, and weeps, and shrouds herself in sables,
Leaving her wedding-garlands to decay –
Then leaps in spring to his returning kisses.”
~Charles Kingsley
, 1819 – 1875  English priest of the Church of England, university professor, historian and novelist.

I know it’s winter because yesterday I had my annual flu injection.

Syringe

via Wikipedia

Here in New Zealand these injections are free to all over the age of 65 and anybody with a life threatening condition.  So I made an appointment with the GP and went along for my shot.

I was greeted by a nurse who introduced me to a trainee nurse and asked if I minded Melissa being there and would I allow her to administer the injection.

After asking how many she had administered before I was met with a beautiful smile to be told that she had been a ‘body piercer’ for 13 years before beginning her nursing training.  There followed an interesting conversation on body piercing and oh yes, I did get the shot.

I know it’s winter because sweaters, scarves and umbrellas are the order of the day more often than not.

Woman in sweater

So much younger

The children are all muffled up against the cold as they walk past the house on their way to school.

They look absolutely miserable, whether from the weather or just simply because they would rather not go to school, who knows?

I know it’s winter because the heating is on every day now.  While we don’t have the extremes of temperature that many places have, it does get cold here.Fire alight

And it rains and the wind blows so it is great to come into a warm house after walking the dog, or grocery shopping or whatever.

I know it’s winter because  Lotte doesn’t want to get out of the warm bed in the morning.

Lazy Lotte

Too cold to get up

She looks so comfortable on my bed and only gets up when I move her so I can make the bed.

She does get more alive when the lead is produced, or the car keys come out and she know/thinks it’s time for a walk.

I know it’s winter because I can walk along deserted beaches with only Lotte and the gulls  for company.

Gulls on beach

Photo - Bill Peters

The beach in winter is usually deserted apart from the seagulls and us.  I can spend hours just looking at the distance and thinking without any disturbance from other people.  On occasions I see nobody else in the hour or so that I walk the beach.

I know it’s winter because I have time to sit beside the fire and read some of the books that have accumulated in the pile during the summer months.  And Pile of booksbecause I can’t get out into the garden I can spend some blissful, uninterrupted time with my books.

The weeds are growing apace with the rain that seems to fall constantly and it is so warm in here with my cup of tea

“Brew me a cup for a winter’s night.
For the wind howls loud and the furies fight;
Spice it with love and stir it with care,
And I’ll toast our bright eyes,
my sweetheart fair.”
~Minna Thomas Antrim, 1861 – 1950, American writer


I know it’s winter because my son can have his fill of “Mummy’s Soup. 

Bowl of soup

via Wikipedia

Since he was a little boy he has told everybody that nobody makes soup like his ‘Mummy”.  So in winter, when I go to their house I take some soup. Enough for him to freeze and take to the office for lunch. 

Isn’t it great how we can still please our children so very easily?

And because as Percy Byshe Shelley asks “If winter comes can spring be far behind?” I am posting my favorite rainbow knowing that spring will break through the gloom and rain and the world will awake from its long sleep once again.

Rainbow

My rainbow - looking forward to spring

“Winter is the time for comfort, for good food and warmth, for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire:  it is the time for home. ” ~Edith Sitwell, 1887 –  1964  British poet and critic.


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Thursday Afternoon Blues

“Watching a peaceful death of a human being reminds us of a falling star; one of a million lights in a vast sky that flares up for a brief moment only to disappear into the endless night forever.”  ~Elisabeth Kübler-Ross 1926 – 2004, Swiss-born psychiatrist and author.


MPH LogoThursday afternoon always finds me in an introspective mood.  Because this is the day that I serve lunches at our local hospice.  Sometimes Thursday lunch is a joyful experience as I mentioned in past blogs; sometimes it is sad and sometimes, like today there is a general air of disquiet, unease about the place.

There was no particular reason for this.  But smiles met with pained expressions from those going through painful experiences both physical and mental.  Even those patients whom I had interacted with before seemed particularly withdrawn.

So I asked myself, why would this be.  It was like a miasma had descended on the place.  In my reading and learning I know that thoughts can affect not only people but also places.  I clearly remember the feeling that was left in the church when there had been a funeral immediately before I ran a wedding rehearsal.  The grief, anguish and tears felt and shed at the funeral were palpable.  Yes, some of the other people who worked at the church were skeptical when I said this.  But I do believe it is so.

I began to think of myself in this situation.  Coming to the end of my time here on earth.  How would I react?  How would I cope with this smiling person who asks me “How are you today?”  This of course, is the way in which we normally greet somebody.  But this is a far from normal situation.  The person to whom I am speaking is nearing the end of their journey in this life and they obviously are not great.  So I have to rethink my greeting.  If anybody can help me with this I should be most grateful.

I then got to thinking about how I could make my transition from life to death easier for my children.  When my husband died 13 years ago it was very sudden and we really had no idea what he would have wanted, apart from knowing that we had both discussed cremation.  My children took over the planning for the funeral without any real idea of what their Father would have wanted.

Some weeks later, when the dust and the fog in my brain had cleared somewhat, I found a page on which he had written the kind of funeral and the hymns he would like.  Well, it was too late.  The funeral had been held.

So I have put together a file for my children so there will be no question of what I want.

  • I want to be cremated and my ashes placed with Robert’s
  • I want the funeral to be in a church not an undertaker’s parlor
  • I don’t want lots of eulogies – I would rather people said nice things about and to me when I am alive
  • I don’t want lots of flowers and prefer the money to be donated to Mary Potter Hospice
  • I want my son and daughter and my grandsons to be pallbearers
  • I want my friend and organist at Old St Pauls to play a hymn – Jerusalem
  • I want there to be singing as well as the hymn.  I recently attended a ‘joyous’ funeral.  And this is what I want.  For many years my mantra has been “I hope you dance and I particularly want my favorite version  played – “I Hope You Dance” by Leann Womack.

Oh and I really like this poem and would ask my daughter, she of the fantastic voice, who read “Stop all the clocks” by W H Auden at her father’s funeral, to read this:

She is Gone

You can shed tears that she is gone
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she’ll come back
or you can open your eyes and see all she’s left.
Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her and only that she’s gone
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
or you can do what she’d want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.
David Harkins, English author, poet and artist.  1958 – .

I am sorry to be so serious today, but I truly believe that we should all make provisions for our passing out of this life into the next (if that’s what you believe).  In any event, we are going to pass out of this life at some stage.  My children took over all the funeral arrangements after their Father died.  I would like to think by this forward planning on my part, the chore will be easier for them the second time.

“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. “ 1817 – 1862, American author, poet, abolitionist, naturalist, tax resister,  historian and philosopher.


My mind is full of Scorpions today

Photo – Jim Parkin

I woke this morning thinking of scorpions.  I don’t know why and where the thought came from.  I have never seen a scorpion and did you know that a group of scorpions is called a Cyclone?

Scorpion

Via Wikipedia

Ugly looking things aren’t they? According to Wikipedia “Scorpions are predatory arthropod animals of the order Scorpiones within the class Arachnida. They have eight legs and are easily recognized by the pair of grasping claws and the narrow, segmented tail, carried in a characteristic forward curve over the back, ending with a venomous stinger.”

One of the first blogs I read today was from my blogging friend Val at http://absurdoldbird.wordpress.com/2011/05/01/i-am-crying/.  I feel for my friend at this time of sorrow.  From there I clicked on the link to http://www.josephinecarr.com/blog/index.php/yom-hashoah/ and that really got this cyclone of scorpions out of control.

If you do click on Josephine Carr’s post I am sure you will feel as distraught as I did.  I felt this huge rage and guilt that we didn’t know just what was going on in Europe.  As a toddler, I could not have done anything but I still feel the collective guilt.  We can use all the excuses that technology was not as it is today and reporters were not allowed into the camps etc but these scorpions are buzzing.

The next blog I read was on the subject of atheism and I am sorry that I cannot give you the link here.  The post has disappeared into the blogosphere.  But the gist of the post was that the writer hasn’t told his family that he is an atheist and so is being put into the unenviable position of having to say a prayer at a family gathering.  He feels that his family would not be able to accept the fact of his atheism.

In this ‘enlightened age’ shouldn’t people be allowed their own beliefs and be able to discuss these openly with friends and family.  More buzzing from those scorpions.

And a news flash that police are concerned about the safety of a nine-year-old girl missing from her home since 2 o’clock yesterday afternoon.  Her parents and friends searched for some hours before calling the police, but she hasn’t been seen since then. She’s now been missing for about 20 hours and how worried her parents must be.  More buzzing.

So now some good news. 

Butterfly

Photo – Ed Dear

I read Egypt intends to open its border with Gaza permanently to alleviate the suffering of Palestinians under an Israeli blockade but the mechanics of such a step are still being worked out, the Foreign Ministry said.  That has to be a step in the right direction.  No buzzing just butterfly wings flapping.

More butterfly wings with this clip from that Royal Event .  This darling little girl found the noise all too much.

And some more good news.  Watch this video of Dave McCalman and his bionic legs.

And on that note I will finish this very strange post.  I hope I haven’t spoiled your day but I really think some things need to be said – to be brought out into the open and discussed.

So until tomorrow. I leave you with this quote from my favorite book, Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carrol :

“I wonder if I’ve been changed in the night? Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I’m not the same, the next question is ‘Who in the world am I?’ Ah, that’s the great puzzle!”

You Do Need Friends

You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I’ll come running to see you again
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I’ll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You’ve got a friend -Carol King click link for the video of Carol singing her song.

Today’s post was prompted because yesterday I helped a friend clear out the cupboards of a man who died recently.  The reason she was involved in this for her late client was that he didn’t have friends.  He had lots of acquaintances, business associates and such but no friends.  No family available to do this chore so it fell to us.  I thought then of the man I had met and how sad that he had so few friends.

The church was full for his funeral but the eulogies were given by business associates and only one family member was present.

So here we were clearing out the detritus of a long life that had been well lived but mostly alone.  He had godchildren but no children of his own.  He shared his associates’ family lives.

And then I read this blog entitled Behind the Scenes and I began to think of friends IRL (in real life) and friends met through the blog-sphere.  There is a well-known quote “People come into your life for a reason. a season or a lifetime” and following this I found this fantastic video.

Doesn’t that say all we need to know on the subject of friends.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need.  They have come into your life to  assist you through a difficulty period and to provide support and aid physically and emotionally. They are there for the reason and the time you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this relationship will come to an end  Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes because of something they have said or done and you need to take a stand, then they walk away.  Here we recognize that their work is done and we move on,

Then people come into your life for a SEASON to help you grow and learn.  It is well-known that ‘when the student is ready the teacher will appear’.  They bring their experiences to you and may teach you things you have never experienced.  Usually they bring you joy and often peace.  This is real; enjoy it but only for that Season.

LIFETIME friendships/relationships teach you lifetime lessons: things you  build upon.  Accept the lesson, love the person for what and who they are and what they have taught you, and use what you have learned in all areas of your life.

“Who finds a faithful friend, finds a treasure.”-Jewish saying

I have very few Lifetime Friends but I treasure them all.  I have many friends for a reason and again treasure them all.  I have had friends for only a season also.  But some ‘friends’ are fair weather friends and are not there when we need them.  They very quickly show their true selves and then walk away.  I quickly get over the hurt they cause and rejoice in my true friends.

My true friends are Lifetime Friends.  They teach me lifetime lessons and I choose which to take on board and use what I have learned in living my life.  Goodness that sounds as if I have my Life Coach hat on.

And I love – Love maybe blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Enjoy your friends, laugh with them, cry with them, dance with them and treasure them.

“When it’s too hard to look behind at the past and it’s too difficult to look forward to the future – Look to the side and you will see a friend” Judith Baxter, friend, grandmother, mother and blogger

Miss Lotte and her best friend


“Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow.
Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead.
Walk beside me and be my friend.”
– Albert Camus,1913 – 1960, French Algerian author, journalist, and key philosopher.