I think WordPress is playing tricks again. I posted this earlier today and several people commented on it but it has disappeared into the ether. All that’s left is the beginning of the post on Facebook. Don’t you hate it when that happens? And I just can’t remember all I had written.
Anyway I’ll try again.
After writing my earlier post I looked back and thought about my day:
- I woke up to a warm,sun filled house
- I woke up knowing that my friends and family are all on my side
- I had a walk in the bush with my lovely Physiotherapist
- We ended up at a local coffee shop where we encountered a friend
- I have so much for which to be grateful not the least for being alive as i know where my accident could have left me.
- And I know The Architect would not want me to be miserable today or any day.
And as the water continues in its downhill rush over rocks
and the thoughts continue to tumble around in my brain
with no defined pattern or path,
they eventually find and settle into a safe place
and the void is suddenly filled
and my mind is active once again.
Judith Baxter, Blogger, Mother, Grandmother and friend
And from Mary Oliver
“It is a serious thing
just to be alive on this fresh morning
in this broken world.”
I awoke this morning to a lovely spring day; sun shining; birds singing and this view from the bedroom
I then picked up my iPad and wrote this as a stream of consciousness. No editing. Just saying –
In three weeks
I shall leave this place
So full of happy memories
of love shared
of laughter and friendship.
But now the house sits empty
of those shared things.
What is a house without sharing
It is but an empty shell.
And so now, once again
the wheels of my life have turned
and again, I face the future alone.
Alone, but now even stronger
Strengthened with the memories
of this late love we shared
for such a very short time.
But length of time is irrelevant
You will live in my heart forever my love.
And then I got up and saw this
and just knew how I was going to spend this beautiful Saturday. Isn’t it amazing how much one gathers in a very short time?
And now another quote from Edna St. VincentMillay
“Time does not bring relief; you all have lied
Who told me time would ease me of my pain!
I miss him in the weeping of the rain;
I want him at the shrinking of the tide”.
But enough of melancholy and feeling sorry for myself. I can still enjoy this lovely day, the warmth of friendship and the knowledge that I have so much more in my life than many others.
And now because I’m English and I drink tea
I shall make a pot and think about where I am, where I’ve been and where I’m going.
A sunny Saturday afternoon here in Wellington, New Zealand, but the sun isn’t shining here in our house. A black cloud hangs over everything at present and I cant see through the tears to tell you all how I feel. But I found this quote in a book the other day and it say what I can’t.
“Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world,
which I find myself constantly walking around
in the daytime and falling in at night.
I miss you like hell.”
Edna St Vincent Millay
American lyrical poet and playwright.
The book is entitled “Goodbye for Times of Sadness & Loss” by Melanie G Mason.
And now I should like to thank you all for the outpouring of love, kindness and support at the recent tragic event in my life. But my darling Architect would not have wanted me to fall into that slough of despair where I have been once before. So I am working on picking myself up, dusting myself off and starting all over again as Jerome Kern exhorted us.
So watch this space. Who knows what will happen next. But do all take care and cherish each and every day because tomorrow may never come.
Posted in Death, Loss
Tagged goodbye, Loss