A New Year and A New Day

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”
― Albert Einstein

This morning I read a post from Elizabeth at Mirth and Motivation.  She had written this in response to a prompt from WP Daily Post – Resolved.  Her response is/was very clever but it was her Positive Motivation Tip:

“A new year and a new day. Distance yourself from the usual suspects… Time to wave goodbye and flush away the drama.”

that set me off to write today’s post.

Did she mean distance yourself from difficult and/or toxic people who are in your life for no good purpose.  We all have these people don’t we?  They call on our time constantly often or usually, giving nothing in return.  We leave after a phone conversation with them or a visit from them, feeling down and a little depressed.

But it is truly difficult to get these people out of your life.  I have several that I have been working on for quite some time.  And apart from being rude and telling them in no uncertain terms to back off, leave me alone, don’t call me, I don’t know what to do.

And they do all come with drama.  Each has a story to tell again and again ad infinitum, until I could tell the story perhaps even better that they do.  Oh the story may vary in small details from time to time and from person to person, but it’s basically the same – poor me.  And I get sick of hearing it again and again.

One acquaintance (I hesitate to call her a friend) finishes the wine bottle each night and then gets on the phone for a rambling drunken discourse.  It always contains the same elements – difficult children, uncaring husband, no friends etc etc.  Why I remain on her phone list I don’t know because I never return her calls (obviously!).

And while these are difficult people, with only one or two exceptions, they stopped complaining and whining while the Architect was sick, but once he died and I moved they were in my face once again.

I can honestly sympathise with those friends and acquaintances who are going through troubled times.  After all I am a certified Life Coach specialising in Grief coaching.  And I know that the situation will drag on for a time but will then sort itself out one way or the other.  I’m happy to listen and encourage them.

So who has any suggestions for the toxic folk who people my world? I really would love to”Wave goodbye and flush away the drama” if only I knew how.

Another post I read today was from Chris at Bridges Burning and she wrote about waiting.  We all seem to be waiting for something.  Often it’s an exciting something, a visit to or from a favourite relative, a new book ordered from Amazon (or here in New Zealand more likely to be Fishpond), a holiday etc etc.  But often it is waiting with a feeling of dread as in waiting for the results of a test, then the further results and then sometimes hope surfaces along with all the positive thoughts and the results are positive, but it’s still waiting.

I feel the beginnings of a book here.  Perhaps written in collaboration with Chris, to be called Waiting.  And that’s another thing – you may be waiting for some time for this to materialise.

And for me, at this time and always, this is a new mantra.

Live for todayOnce again picture courtesy of Love This Pic

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12 responses to “A New Year and A New Day

  1. Great mantra, Judith.

  2. Ironically, it was a frustrating exchange that got me thinking about what became the post you mentioned… I find it all quite draining and some of these toxic folk only hear what they want to hear… Ugh! 😦
    Thank you for mentioning my post. It is appreciated and I will add yours to mine as a related post to read. There are no easy answers…. True. I flush them in my head and heart but some are quite determined to linger. lol! 🙂
    Elizabeth

  3. Pingback: Haiku: RESOLVED – Goodbye Felicia | Mirth and Motivation

  4. It is hard to get rid of toxic people because you often have to be rude (I mean, if their focus was anywhere but on themselves, they could see the obvious hints- like avoided calls. ) Good mantra. How we look at what we’ve been through can be the difference between learning and flourishing vs. living with bitterness and resentment.

    • Just thought I would see if anyone had any good ideas on the subject. But I guess we all have to deal with these people as best we can.
      And I thought that was a particularly good mantra for me.

  5. So very difficult when you have the toxic people in your life. You can of course be brutal and tell them to get a life though if they really are depressed there may be circumstances to live with later. You can create an event in your life that requires you to talk over them of your problems, they rarely stay around long when the focus shifts from themselves. You could even take to carving the excellent mantra on their foreheads in the hopes that the message sinks in.. You could of course move to the UK and not leave your phone number which could be a winner for your friends over here.
    The most likely scenario is being a life coach and being the kind of person you are, you will continue to let these people plague you and hope that they will eventually change the record and heal themselves.(Unlikely).
    Get yourself an MP3 player with your favourite music and tel them it’s a hearing aid.
    You’ll guess from this that I haven’t managed to get rid of my own toxic people yet.
    xxx Happy New Year Judith and Massive Hugs xxx

    • David thanks. I like the idea of a move to the UK. Tried that several times for a few months at a time, but blow me down, they are sitting waiting for me when I get back.
      I also like the idea of the MP3 player. Much better to listen to my music selection than their moans. I only need to insert an occasional um or yes and they can continue unchallenged.
      If you manage to get rid of yours please don’t hesitate to let me know.
      Hugs are returned to you too. xxx

  6. Oh, I like your new mantra and will try to remember it when I drag up the useless failures of the past! I have no solutions for getting rid of toxic people – perhaps I tend to be a good listener.

  7. for me, the most toxic people tend to be those who talk ad infinitum about the minutiae of their day or their children’s day or their grand-children’s day. The only thing I have found that works, and you have to repeat it for a year or two, is that you are just not that interested in it all. Eventually they realize you actually mean that. sigh.

  8. I have no answer for how to get rid of toxic people. I think they are sometimes in our lives to teach us something or to keep us from becoming like them. I had one such friend, I went to her Memorial Service today. The priest’s homily made me realize she did have her good side. I think I will miss her…not a lot but still…

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