Choose Your Friends

I choose my friends for their good looks;
my acquaintances for their good characters
and my enemies for their good intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
Oscar Wilde, Irish dramatist, novelist and poet  – 1854-1900
How do you choose your friends, or do they choose you?
Oscar Wilde

Image via Wikipedia

Oscar Wilde, that 19th century Irish writer, poet and wit, used these lines in his play Portrait of Dorian Grey and it set me thinking about my friends. 
Some are lifetime friends, and some are relatively new friends who will no doubt, become lifetime friends.  These are folks I have met at different times in my life and with whom I have a shared bond.  This keeps us in touch even if only on birthdays and holidays.  I have a friend in Toronto whom I met when both our husbands were transferred to Montreal.  We have kept in (ir)regular touch over some 40 years.  We have shared births of grandchildren, deaths of our husbands, marriages of our children and unfortunately in her case, a daughter’s divorce.  We have visited each other a couple of times and though we are at opposite ends of the world, we are lifetime friends.  Other friends of long standing include the very first person I spoke to (apart from hotel staff) when I  first arrived in New Zealand.  Again, we have shared so many of the big and little things in life over almost 45 years,  She is truly a lifetime friend and although she only lives some 400 miles away, we rarely see each other but we know we are friends.
And then I have other newer friends with whom I have shared so much.  These people have been instantly recognised as friends to keep and with whom to keep in touch.  Again we share the highs and lows of each others lives.  A friend leaving her husband, another battling her son and his dependency on drugs and yet another whose daughter is trying so hard to conceive a child.  These things bring us close together.
I like to think that I am a good friend.  A trusted ally who is there when I am needed but not intrusive in my friends’ lives. 
But sometimes, as the years pass, friendships change and maybe drop off.  I have a ‘friend’ of long standing who suddenly doesn’t have time for me.  I have tried on many occasions in the past year to connect with her.  Oh, whenever we meet at a social gathering, she apologises for not returning my calls and says we must get together soon, or that she will call me and fix a date, but she never does.  I have no idea of what has changed in our relationship and cannot get to speak to her about it.  So regrettably I have to think that this was a friend for a season only – although the season lasted many years.
And then of course I have my two sisterswho are most certainly lifetime friends.  So I consider myself very lucky in the friends and family that I do have.

“If you’re alone, I’ll be your shadow.
If you want to cry, I’ll be your shoulder.
If you want a hug, I’ll be your pillow.
If you need to be happy, I’ll be your smile.
But anytime you need a friend, I’ll just be me.”  ~Anon

And for no reason other than I think they were ‘best’ friends I share this photo with you.  I don’t know who these women are or who sent me the card with them on, but it tells a whole story.  Watch this space for that story soon.

Two women on beach

They were so pleased to discover next morning that they still had on their hats.

Related posts:
You Do Need Friends
And The Best Friends
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30 responses to “Choose Your Friends

  1. Reblogged this on Milenanik3's Blog and commented:
    To have a lifetime friend is very special gift from above..

  2. Friends are so important aren’t they? I too, am grateful for some long lasting, easy friendships, the ones you know will always survive, regardless of what gets thrown at them.
    Wherever I’ve been, I have made friends, some survive my various moves, others don’t…Sometimes, it makes me a bit sad. But I have learnt to be in peace with this.
    Thanks for your post! 🙂

  3. my friend choose me but i choose them too i cannot point a finger to the reason 🙂

  4. Love that last quote. Yes, some people come for a short time and others are here to stay. I have many acquaintances but only a handful of what I consider close friends. I am thankful to be blessed with them.

  5. I too have some wonderful friends who persist in loving me in spite of myself. :). I am not always sure either what happens when a friendship is in drift mode but sometimes they do come back. My friend and SIL says we must nurture and look after our friendships to keep them strong!

    • My mother always told us to make time for your friends and what a great piece of advice that was. I am saddened that a long term friendship seems to be at an end, but who knows where she is at in her life at the moment. Perhaps we will reconnect at a later date.

  6. What an intriguing ending – now I have to hear more! 🙂

  7. Christine in Los Angeles

    Welcome home. I do love that card, and the caption, and I’m trying to remember what you’ve told us about it. I’ll check with Little Sister.
    Love you much, God bless, Christine

  8. Can’t wait to hear the story. You seem like a wonderful friend, Judith. Who knows the reasons why things change with friends, or those who we thought were friends.

  9. What a great post on friends. I too am blessed with fabulous friends, old and new, near and far. They are my most precious possessions. Sometimes one will drift away for whatever reason but usually we become close again. You sound like a very good friend. Look forwrad to the story!

  10. Pingback: Hats On | I choose how I will spend the rest of my life

  11. I am always amazed Judith at how parallel our lives seem to be. I too had a friend in “drift mode.” It had never happened to me before and took me years to comprehend and finally accept. The long-timers like my current visiting friend (of 46 years!) are the most valuable connections. This is a marvelous post, full of insight and understanding.

    • Hi Dor my other sister from the other side of the world. Yes we do run on parallel line. I shall mourn the loss of the ‘friend’ if she never comes back into my life but how lucky I am to have these other good friends on whom I can rely and who in turn can rely on me.
      Thanks for the comment.

  12. Friendship , bonding, love, these are universal. It an be from any corner of the world. It is amazing and fascinating , that from India, I like your blog so much.
    Thanks.

  13. Yes the blogosphere has connected so many of us who would never have known of the other’s existence. I enjoy your blog and I love the new name. I shall drop by often to read and catch up on what you are thinking.

  14. Some friendships last for seasons only, but seasons have a way of returning over and over again, sometimes we have to moveover in friendships, but that’s not the same as moving on. 🙂

  15. Strange – I too was mulling over the inestimable value of friends, and posted on the topic (though in less depth) at more or less the same time as you! And the sudden drifting away of a close friend for no apparent reason seems to be a fairly common – if upsetting – phenomenon. Thanks for your inspiring post!

    • Thanks for dropping by. I am constantly amazed when I post on a subject I then find that someone else whose blog I follow posts on the same thing.

  16. Thanks for the post – it’s a good topic. I tend to be the friend who drifts away, mostly due to lack of time. Relationships need quality and quantity and most weeks, it’s beyond me.

    • My mother always told me to make time for your friends and now at this later stage in life, I am finding I have more time for friends. Thanks for the comment Nancy. 🙂

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