Over the past couple of weeks I have been thinking about how much easier it is to offer and give help than it is to receive it.
I have been brought up to believe that it is my duty to help others whenever I can, giving whatever is required. Sometimes it is time, working on a committee or fund-raising for a charity; maybe it is giving a helping hand, a lift or a smile to a friend or neighbour. But how much harder it is to ask for and accept help.
When I first broke the bone in my foot I was almost completely helpless. I could move around but with great difficulty so I was reliant on somebody else for the simplest things. I hadn’t realised how many cups of tea and coffee I drink during the day until I had to ask somebody else to make them for me. And not only to make them but to carry them to wherever I was sitting. A simple lunchtime sandwich was beyond me. A shower needed the help of a friend. All these things we take for granted suddenly were totally beyond me.
Of course, things are improving since I can now put some weight on the injured ankle but this has made me more aware of the problems some of my friends live with. One friend has multiple sclerosis and walks with the aid of a stick. Recently she slipped in the shower and broke her good foot making her totally incapacitated. This then necessitated a short stay in a rest home while she recuperated. She was totally dependent on others for everything. She did recover from the broken foot but will never recover from MS.
Another friend has problems with hip joints while yet another has to rely on somebody to push her around in a wheelchair when shopping. Neither of these will get back to the way they used to be and will always be dependent on others to a certain extent.
So now I am working on graciously accepting the help offered, not trying to be my usual independent self and gratefully acknowledging the help offered.
So once again, here is my rainbow because while I have always believed it I now know for a fact that something good comes out of even the least likely event aka an accident.
My rainbow
And yes, Pollyanna is alive and well and living in
Wellington, New Zealand.
I choose how I will spend the rest of my life 
It has to hit us in the face to realize how certain incapacities limit us and how other people languish as a result. When I had my open heart surgery and could not drive for a month people all around said “just call if I can do anything” . When I did all I got was “well,,,. I am tied up, have appointment, it’s raining, car broke down” and such. All I needed for a few weeks was a ride to the doctor, pharmacy and grocery store. As Presbyterians it is required of us to do without, make use of what we have and never depend on anyone yet help others in any way. I accept the doctrine.(We also have to thank God when disaster after disaster may befall us but I think that part is kinda stupid). Fortunately a neighbor’s relative was visiting for a month and a half and he helped my parents and I (they live with me) in everything. Then he left and I have never heard from him again. I remain ever grateful and astonished that God, despite His intensely busy schedule of creating(and destroying) found a moment to put that fellow in my life for 6 weeks.
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I am so sorry Carl that your friends were not around to helpyou out. But providence or some other power sent your neighbour’s relative to visit at just the time you needed him. And I can see from your comment that you were grateful and gracious in accepting his help.
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I am learning that same lesson, Judith, and I often find it a difficult one to learn. I read something recently that mentioned if we weren’t willing to graciously (and gratefully) receive the gifts given to us, then why should we expect to be given any gifts at all? Now that I’m looking at that help as a gift rather than as something I temporarily can’t do for myself, I’m much better at accepting, with grace and gratitude.
Love your rainbow, as always. 🙂
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Hi Ronin. Gifts do come in all shapes and sizes and in the same way that lessons to be learned come. I hope that whatever is holding you back at present quickly comes to a place where you no longer need to rely on others so much.
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You might remember that my mom broke both of her ankles in June, requiring her to be in a wheelchair for some weeks. Your words reminded me of the feelings she went through. It’s hard to go from being independent to relying on others for everything within the span of a day. It can be quite humbling.
But another way to look at it is what I’d told my mom – look at all of the friends you have who are willing to come and help They are showing you that they love you.
Lovely rainbow!
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Oh Jacquelin, I keep thinking of your mother with two broken ankles and how very dependent she had to be. And as we get older we jealously defend our independence, even more so that when we were 20 years younger. So yes, it’s hard but as you say we are lucky in that we have these friends and relatives willing to come and help us. Regards to your mother – we may have been friends if we lived closer. 🙂
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The giver always finds it harder to receive. That fact always makes me chuckle. It is simply the spirit of the giver, I think.
My sister-in-law has MS, though she is still in the early stages (relatively speaking). Early stages or not, my SIL still needs help. Like you said, your broken bone heals, yet those battling MS do not.
Thank you for giving, Judith. I am certain your spirit will continue to do so, once you are back 100%.
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Thank you for the encouragement Lenore Diane. If your SIL is like my friend she will guard her independence for as long as possible and in doing so, will become an even stronger woman. Good for her.
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I also have difficulty asking for help, Judith…hope you’re back on two feet soon!
Wendy
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Hi Wendy. the time is getting closer. Have now got a fibreglass ‘foot’ on and can put some weight onto the ankle. It makes it so much easier to get around and hey, I am almost halfway through the 6 weeks. 🙂
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I have trouble asking for or accepting help, even when I could use it (don’t want to be a bother to anyone.) I need to get better about it, too. I hope you are your independent self soon!
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I don’t want to be a nuisance and find myself saying thank you thank you over and over again for the same thing. But I am getting better at accepting the help offered and will certainly be much more understanding in future (fingers crossed).
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I’ve heard it said that one wonderfully important aspect of generosity is to be generous enough to graciously accept help from others…a shift in perspective there…
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Thanks Kathy – that truly is a great shift in perspective and trust you to see it. 🙂
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I’m happy to hear you are now able to bear some weight on your ankle, and thankful for those who came to serve you.
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Hi Patti. Yes getting around is so much easier and now I don’t feel completely helpless. 🙂
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Yay ! Go Pollyanna !!! 😀
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Thanks for the encouragement. 🙂
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Glad to hear you are doing better… that top picture is a riot. Stay healthy! 😉
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Found that picture in Google images. Love it too. 🙂
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Very nice post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wished to say that I’ve truly enjoyed surfing around your blog posts. After all I will be subscribing to your feed and I hope you write again very soon!
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