Daily Archives: July 14, 2011

On Making Decisions

We’re born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we’re not alone.” Orson Welles

As some of you may know I have now been on my own for 13 years since the death of my husband.  Of course, at the time, I thought I couldn’t go on and my life was in disarray.

As time passed, however, and the grief and sadness dimmed somewhat I began to think about the rest of my life and how I would live it.  Determining as I always have, that the decision making would be in my hands.

A couple of years after my husband died I met a man at a dinner party.  He had recently lost his wife.  His was quite a tragic story in that his wife was very sick dying and they had separate rooms.  He came into her room one morning bringing her tea only to find her dead in the bed.  Well, we dated a few times but apart from being widowed/widowered (is there such a word?) we had nothing in common.  So I ended that relationship after a few dates.  But it didn’t just end – he hung around my apartment block for days and “just happened” to be passing when I came out the entry door.  And every night he was sitting in his car opposite the apartment when I arrived home from the office.  Ugh.  Not scary but rather very creepy.

So onto number two.  Again his wife had died suddenly.  He had found her on the bathroom floor, dead having had a massive heart attack.  How did I attract these men?  Anyway, true to form he wanted to replace a 40-year marriage in 4 weeks and so this relationship went nowhere.  Shortly thereafter he met and subsequently married again.  And that marriage is working out well from all accounts.

Now number three.  This started out well.  One date for a drink and then I took off for England for six months.  During that time we had a great exchange of emails.  He was very witty and charming.  I thought this could be a long-term relationship.  We enjoyed the same things and I saw a future where we would each keep our own apartments and independence, meeting regularly for company, dinner, theatre or whatever.

However, when I returned home he wanted us to live together, either in his apartment or mine.  Yet another one wanting to replace a 40-year marriage in a matter of weeks.

I enjoyed his company and the side benefits but was in no hurry to enter into any commitment.  Having told him this, he went off to Australia that week and immediately met up with a woman with whom he has been living ever since.

So I have now decided that I am no good at this looking for a partner and am better off living on my own, with Lotte (my Tibetan spaniel) for company.  She asks little of me.  Only to be fed, loved and walked all on a regular basis and these things I happily provide for her.

Lotte

For male companionship, I have a friend with whom I go to the movies or to dinner but he knows there is no way this friendship will ever morph into anything else and he seems to be happy with that. I am beginning to spend more time with my women friends and discovering what a joy they are to be around.  One friend is a Real Estate Agent with an interest in all things spiritual.  And I am walking this path with her.  Among the others, one is a Feng Shui practitioner, another is a landscape gardener, two are masseuses, yet another is a teacher and another an astrologist.  A wide and varied group of women who are interesting and interested in what life has to offer.

Our discussions cover such a wide range of subjects with each of us listening intently to the other’s point of view and voicing our own.  With the exception of one, they each live alone, mostly by choice and appear to be enjoying the lives they are creating.  As am I.

I am proud and grateful to have these women as friends and will cherish that friendship for as long as it lasts – a season, a reason or forever.  I have said before that we do need friends and these women are mine.

As I read this post today from Winsomebella I realized that there is a definite movement of women deciding to take charge of their own future.  The future is open and wide enough for us to do as we choose, providing we don’t hurt anyone else in the process of course.

I would not have missed the 41 years with my husband but now can enjoy the freedom to make my life the way I want it – My Life My Way.

“Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow.
Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead.
Walk beside me and be my friend.”
– Albert Camus,1913 – 1960, French Algerian author, journalist, and key philosopher.