Choices, Values and Rules

Everyday we make choices and the choices we made yesterday determine where we are today.

Penguin with cymbals on polar bear
..then run like hell

Some of the choices are made using the Rules and/or Values that we have acquired or adopted during our life. They can be values or rules inherited from our parents or taken on board from peers, friends and acquaintances.  Often we are not even aware that we have adopted these values and rules.

And today’s blog was prompted by another blogger who raised the question “Do you make your bed each day?”

Bed make up for the dayWell, yes I do.  This is one of the things I do each morning without fail, so I guess you could say it is a rule.

But in our lives we have rules by which we live and not all of them benefit us really. Would it matter if I didn’t make the bed one day; or if I went out without my makeup on?  The answer is probably no,  not to anybody else, but these two rules are part of who I am.

Values however, are quite different.  My values include:

  • I am totally honest in all my dealings with others
  • I treat everybody with respect and expect respect in return
  • I am always supportive of family and friends
  • I listen to the points of view of others
  • I treat everybody with kindness.  I do not knowingly hurt others
  • I do everything as well as  I can and have pride in my work
  • I am working on being patient and gracious in all things

Values empower us They assist us in how we live; they help us make the choices offered every day.  Whereas Rules tend to place limits on us:

  • I make the bed every day
  • My house must always be tidy
  • I never go our without makeup on

And sometimes Values and Rules can cross over as in:

  • I must always be on time – as a value this can be respect for others; as a rule this is can be limiting

I am sure there are many others – why don’t you make a list for yourself?

Today’s quote comes from Barbara De Angelis , American relationship consultant, lecturer and author.

“Living with integrity means: Not settling for less than what you know you deserve in your relationships. Asking for what you want and need from others. Speaking your truth, even though it might create conflict or tension. Behaving in ways that are in harmony with your personal values. Making choices based on what you believe, and not what others believe.”

Thank you for visiting.  Please come back soon.

Lotte and Major
Best friends


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17 thoughts on “Choices, Values and Rules

  1. Some of my most important rules and values were taught to me by my Mom (as they should be, in my opinion they should come from both parents):
    Respect and be kind to everyone.
    Honesty.
    No hitting!
    Make your bed.
    Things I have learned on my own and hope to add to my sons’ list:
    Say “good morning” to everyone you see,
    Give a good morning hug and kiss to everyone in your house,
    My rules:
    Wake up to a clean kitchen and sparkly kitchen sink! (learned this from the flylady.com)
    Before leaving on a weekend trip/vacation have a very clean house!
    Read before falling asleep!
    Put on fresh socks and underwear at least once a day (this one is for my boys).
    Spend time outside of the house every day, even in sickness!
    Ski as much as possible all winter long!
    Work hard so you can play hard!

    1. Hi Jenny – I don’t know how I missed the comments on this blog post. It was very early in my blogging career so maybe… Thanks for the comment. I agree with all those things except perhaps the skiing. I haven’t skied for many years and wasn’t very good at it anyway. 🙂

  2. Pingback: EDUCATION IN HUMAN VALUES | Chestnut ESL HOME

  3. Pingback: Ten Mindset Perspectives | I choose how I will spend the rest of my life

  4. OMG…..you just popped up on my internet page as I was looking for
    a recipe. We must be related or we are kindred spirits. I have been
    writing like you for so long but only for myself with hopes to publish
    a book some day. There are so many similarities in our life I cannot
    believe it. I must read everything and get back to you. I was born on
    March 9, 1939

    1. I love the idea of kindred spirits in different parts of the world, I am down here in New Zealand, where are you. And incidentally, I was born on March 19, 1938 so we are roughly the same age.
      I started my blog on March 1 this year and have been using it as a journal, memory jogger and other things. I just love it and love the friends I have made through this. Will you now start to write a blog?

  5. Very good advice. I have worked on my self care so I really think things through or “play the tape forward”. It helps me make choices more wisely and getting slapped by the consequences of poor choices ought to wake us up to learn to think this way. Of courses we don’t always make the right call and mistakes are not the result of poor choices all the time, but the gist of the dynamic is to make choices wisely without risk and feeling we are immune from consequences. Assessing our motives helps if we are people that strive to be fair and moral and being sensitive to how our choices affect other people is also part of the art of choosing.

  6. WordsFallFromMyEyes

    You know, I achingly hope I pass on to my son my values, but who knows what the core of him will decide…

    This was interesting. I actually do not make my bed every day. I was in an orphanage in my early life and HAD to, because you were not allowed down to breakfast until you had done it – including ‘nurse’s corners’ – which I had to learn when I got there, 6 years old. I also made my bed when I lived with my aunty for 2 years, but when I lived with my dad from age 10 to 17, well, I was sleeping in the cupboard often just to escape him, so making the bed just didn’t seem important.

    I don’t know, it has meaning, but also does not. But a very thoughtful post.

  7. Thank you for commenting. I am amazed at how so many topple and particularly women it seems, overcome the treatment meted out in the early years to become fully functioning adults. I have just read your introduction on the Gravatar and am now going to read your story. 🙂

  8. ryoko861

    Ok, the “rules” that put limits on our lives…would you consider those acts to be OCD?
    I always make my bed also. If I don’t, something doesn’t feel right until I do. I’m the same as you: Won’t go out of the house without makeup and I always like my house tidy. I sometimes think I have too much time on my hands.

    1. While they may be rules I never go out without having made the bed, tidied the house and made up my face. These are my rules and choices. My son and daughter’s rules are different. But I can live with that.
      What I am having trouble with at the moment is not being able to make comment on certain blogs, yours being one of them. May I ask you to please look in your Spam folder. I have been on to Akismet today so expect the problem to be solved soon. Thanks. 🙂

  9. Your list of values should be taught in schools word for word since these lessons are not always learned in the home these days. We seem to hav lost a lot of parenting skills so that respect for others seems to be falling by the wayside. A nice post Judith with nice lessons.
    xx Hugs xx

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