Daily Archives: March 16, 2011

Alone But Not Lonely

Well the gremlins have been at work and all the writing has disappeared.  The blog was written this morning complete with words and photos, but where did it go?

Today I wanted to talk about being alone but not lonely.  I am often alone but rarely do I feel lonely.  When Bob first died I was very lonely although my family and friends did their best to make it not so.  Often, in the midst of a group of people having fun I would feel so lonely.  But this passed and I learned how to live alone.

For me loneliness is looking for somebody or something else to fill the empty spaces and alone is when I am content with my own company not needing anyone of anything else.

The Collins dictionary definition of lonely is “unhappy as a result of being without companions, isolated, solitary’ and Mother Teresa said “ Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty.”. The dictionary defines alone as “apart from another or others”.

As I have said, I have many supportive friends but they each respect my desire to be alone at times; whether this is to take in a movie, have coffee or lunch at a cafe or just to stay home and read a book.  This quiet time being alone, feeds my soul and keeps me grounded.  It is too easy to fill our lives with busyness and other people.

When I was first on my own I wrote a small book that explained how I had brought myself out of the grief and sorrow to being able to take my place in the world again.  If you are going through the grieving process, or are too much alone and lonely I would be happy to send you a pdf of my book.  Just email me at jbaxter@clear.net.nz with Suddenly Single in the subject line.  And take a look at the website.

My advice to anyone who is lonely, take the first step.  Go out of the house and talk to people.  There are clubs and groups to join and even if you only go to the library and talk to the librarian he or she will put you in touch with others.  As human beings we know we need contact with others.  So make the effort – it becomes easier as time goes on.