Monthly Archives: March 2011

Nurture vs Nature

The route through childhood is shaped by many forces, and it differs for each of us. Our biological inheritance, the temperament with which we are born, the care we receive, our family relationships, the place where we grow up, the schools we attend, the culture in which we participate, and the historical period in which we live—all these affect the paths we take through childhood and condition the remainder of our lives.
Robert H. Wozniak  U.S. professor on human development.

So much has been written about this subject and now I want to add my two pennies worth – or tuppence worth as we said when I was growing up.

My two sisters and I lived with our parents in a modest house in the East End of London, with little money to spare but with an abundance of love and caring.  There were no luxuries available as we had recently fought a long hard war with Germany.  Absolutely everything was rationed.

We gawked at the Movietone newsreels of the things available in America but we had what many didn’t have, a safe and secure, loving home.

So where’s this going.  We were all brought up together but very soon I left home to marry my dashing young Scotsman, followed by my elder sister who went to America ‘for a couple of years’ but in fact some 50 plus years later she still lives there, and then the baby of the family married and moved out.

We made our separate lives.  We moved away from each other but still kept in contact.  In those days that meant snail mail and the very occasional, highly priced, telephone conversation.  Oh what a joy when eventually we all had internet connections and could communicate via email as often as we pleased.

But many things from our childhood and upbringing have stayed with us.  See my post on Sisters.  I particularly remarked on this when on a visit to Los Angeles to visit with my elder sister I noticed she was using Imperial Leather Soap.    This was the soap from our childhood and the soap that I still used living so far away in New Zealand.  Then on to London and guess what?  My younger sister was using Imperial Leather Soap.  Added to this was the fact that at that time we were all using ‘Je Reviens” perfume by Worth.  A coincidence or was it tied into the way in which we brought up?

So with our parents example we have each raised our children and they in turn are raising theirs.  My mother died at about the time the internet was becoming available to all.  So I had to rely on telephone calls (reduced rates by then) and snail mail to contact my parents.  I took the opportunity of writing to them thanking them for the childhood they had given us and acknowledging just what they had done for us.  I wished I had been clever enough to keep a copy of that letter.  I know that both parents appreciated the thoughts that went into writing that.  And for me, there was the pleasure of having told them how I felt before they died.  What good telling the assembled mourners at the funeral?

And the point of this blog?  Just sharing random thoughts with you.

“Happiness is looking back on a great childhood with supportive parents and two fantastic sisters.”
Judith Baxter, Blogger 1938 –

And for no good,discernible reason I would like to share this quote from Oliver Wendell Holmes:

“Old age is fifteen years older than I am.”


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Yesterday When I Was Young ….

Yesterday when I was young
The taste of life was sweet like rain upon my tongue,
I teased at life as if it were a foolish game
The way an evening breeze would tease a candle flame,
The thousand dreams I dreamed, the splendid things I planned

I have just been listening to the local radio and they have played Charles Aznavour singing  “Yesterday when I was young”.  Charles Aznavour has always been a favourite and I am happy to listen to him at any time, so I started thinking about when I was young.

The words of this song don’t really apply to me; in fact, I think when he wrote this song he must have been feeling his age and counting all the things he had missed.  See what you think by listening here.

As I have said before, I don’t think I have missed out on anything in my long life, and I have plenty of happy, happy memories.  So I prefer to listen to Dean Martin who sung  Memories are made of this in 1945, and it just keeps keeping on.

But Aznavour plays a large part in my memories.  I remember seeing him first at The Royal Albert Hall in London in 1967.  This was a particular birthday treat for me.  Then in the 70s, we saw him in Paris.  Lovely memories of a fantastic singer.

So –  Yesterday When I Was Young I married my handsome young Scotsman, and after a few years had my first child, a daughter

Cate with Nana

Proud Nana with the first grandchild

Two years later I had a son.  So now two children to love.

Cate and David

Big sister and her brother

The taste of life was sweet like rain upon my tongueI was a very contented young mother, loving watching them grow and learn.

Children feed goat

Spain 1967

The thousand dreams I dreamed, the splendid things I planned – we moved from Scotland to New Zealand and then to Montreal.  My dreams came true.  My children thrived wherever we dropped them (figuratively of course).

Yesterday the moon was blue and every crazy day brought something new to do. We decided to move back to New Zealand to live life on the beach but it didn’t last for long as we moved south to Wellington.

every crazy day brought something new to donew city, new home, new friends. Everybody settled in and we loved our life here.

Then children moved on.  They left home and made their own way in the world. They both married and subsequently had their own children.

Grandsons

Family dynamics changed.  And so much pain my dazzled eyes refused to see.  Mother died followed shortly thereafter by my dashing (now not-so) young Scotsman and life moved on.

With Mother shortly before she died

And then some years later my darling, energetic, supportive 95-year-old father died.  Didn’t see him often as we lived a world apart, but he was always there for his daughters.

Yesterday the moon was blueand I have so many lovely memories of family and friends around the world.  There are only a couple of changes I might make, but one cannot bring back those who have passed on.  So The thousand dreams I dreamed, the splendid things I plannedare being replaced by new dreams and plans as I now move into a new phase of my life alone but never lonely.


If smells evoke memories what about…

“It is cruel, you know, that music should be so beautiful. It has the beauty of loneliness of pain: of strength and freedom. The beauty of disappointment and never-satisfied love. The cruel beauty of nature and everlasting beauty of monotony. ”
Benjamin Britten, English composer, conductor and pianist.  1913-1976

I wrote the other day about the memories that smells evoke.  Well what about sounds and more particularly music.

My father had this beautiful voice and among other songs, he would serenade us with ‘O Sole Mio.’  Listen to Pavarotti sing it here. Father wasn’t quite as polished as that but he sang it with love and feeling for his wife and daughters.

Of course, I remember all the current songs of the day that he also sang.  But this particular song takes me back to a time when I was very young and surrounded by love and the feeling that nothing could ever harm any of us.

Moving along to my teenage years.  This was the time of Elvis Presley, Johnny Ray and in England our own Tommy Steele, widely regarded as Britain’s first teen idol and rock and roll star.

Tommy Steel

1957 in Stockholm Wikipedia

The song Singing the Blues in particular brings back those in between years – in between being very young and a young married woman.  Can you believe the difference in music compared to the music my grandsons listen to today?

Then I became engaged and this was during my Nat King Cole period.  How I loved that man and we danced to Too Young at our engagement party. The video is worth playing  for the photos as well as the sound of Nat’s voice.

As often happens, that engagement of two 18 year old children didn’t last and I then met my handsome young Scotsman.  Many many songs take me back to time spent with him.

We saw ‘Around the World in 80 Days’ and sang along with Bing Crosby singing ‘Around the World’.

My Fair Lady PosterWith my Mother I attended the opening night of My Fair Lady at Covent Garden in London.  What an excitement that was.  There had been an embargo on the music until opening night and there we were.  How lucky could a 20 year old young woman be.  Here is the post from the BBC on 29 April 1958.  How I loved that play and all the songs.  Has there ever been a better Professor Higgins than Rex Harrison?

Ella Fitzgerald or Frank Sinatra (or indeed anyone) singing ‘I Love Paris’ takes me right back to the early days of my marriage before the children were born.  We had a fantastic weekend in Paris – remember that air travel wasn’t available in the 50s and so it was a ferry crossing and train ride to get to Paris.  How very romantic it was.

Babies came along; a lovely, lovely time when the music was all Doris Day and ‘Que Sera Sera’, Matt Monro and ‘ Portrait of My Love’, ‘My Kind of Girl’ and so on.

The Montreal years are all about Burt Bacharach and his music.

Route 66 signDriving across the United States in my Mustang Mach 1 (my 30th birthday present) along Route 66 – Can you imagine the memories that song revives.  And hey, I have been in all those places – as the song says  “all the way from Chicago to LA”.

Children grew up, left home to study, got married and made their own lives.  But still music is around.  Tina Turner singing ‘Simply the Best’ reminds me of my daughter Cate and a sales organization in which we both became involved.

Kenny Rogers has always been another favorite.  He came to NZ to perform at a vineyard the year before my husband died.  And with my daughter and son-in-law we went to see him.  Any of his songs brings back memories of my life with my husband but particularly ‘Lady’.  This was our song for a while.

So many songs and so many memories.  Charles Aznavour whom we saw on another trip to Paris in the 70s, singing ‘She’ (another of our songs), Rod Stewart singing ‘For Sentimental Reasons’ or ‘Til There Was You’, Ray Charles singing ‘For All We Know’ and Neil Diamond’s ‘Sweet Caroline’ and ‘You Don’t Bring Me Flowers’.  The list goes on and on.  All have a special place in my memories.

All the memories are good.  I refuse to dwell on songs that don’t bring happy memories.  I acknowledge them and let them pass.  I can’t control what is played on the radio station.

So now let’s hear from you.  What are the songs that bring back your memories?


Housework and other joys.

When it comes to housework the one thing no book of household management can ever tell you is how to begin.  Or maybe I mean why.
~Katharine Whitehorn,  British journalist, writer and columnist.  1928 –

I really don’t know anybody who actually enjoys housework  If anybody is foolish enough to tell me they do, I immediately put them into the category of ‘those to be looked at askance’.  Why would anybody want to repeat the tedious chores time after time, only to then have to repeat them all over again.  I agree with both Katharine Whitehorn and Anne Gibbons who puts it in few words, but goes right to the point when she says ‘Nature abhors a vacuum.  And so do I.’

Well when I got married in 1957 we were advised that our aim in life was to please our man.  And part and parcel of this was to be the perfect housewife.  We weren’t expected to go out to work or to pursue our own careers but we were expected to have the perfectly kept house.  Woe betide you if your mother or horror of horrors, your mother-in-law, should call unexpectedly and the house wasn’t clean and shining.  Never mind that both of the kids had measles and you had been up all night tending to them.  As soon as husband was out of the door the vacuum cleaner, polishing dusters and floor mops must come out and be put to use!

Housekeeping

I am old enough to remember the original Stepford Wives – those prissy silly women whose only aim in life was to have the perfect house, the perfect dress, the perfect children and to prepare the perfect dinners to preside over perfect dinner parties.  They were told that their menfolk would love them for this.

Well for those of you who don’t know The Stepford Wives is a 1972 satirical thriller novel by Ira Levin and  the story reveals that the frighteningly submissive housewives in this  idyllic Connecticut neighborhood were robots created by their husbands.

Take a walk with Lotte my Tibetan Spaniel after which she usually just wants to sleep.
Just have coffee at a coffee shop and read the daily paper
Meet friends for lunch or a drink
Catch up a TV program I have missed
Have a snooze
Perhaps try a new recipe for fun
Read other people’s blogs on WordPress.com

And as you can see, vacuuming, cleaning, dusting do not feature high on my list of things to do.

” I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.” Joan Rivers

Let’s start a chat on what you would rather do than housework.

Until tomorrow.

And the best friends of all are sisters….

Sisters, sisters, there were never such devoted sisters -never had to have a chaperone, “No sir” – I’m here to keep my eye on her.
Irving Berlin 1988-1989.  Composer and lyricist

Today, sitting here on the far side of the world, I have been thinking of my sisters.  One in London and one in Los Angeles  If we had set out to do so we could not have settled so far apart.

Dancing class

Dancing class

Sisters have a special kind of relationship, particularly as we grow older and move away.  But a sister is also a very special kind of friend.  Even if we do not see each other often, we know we are there in spirit for each other.

When my husband died my sisters were there for me although at a distance.   I felt their love and sorrow, just as if they had been here with me, holding my hands.

And then when their husbands each died, I was there for them.  Sending all kind and good wishes, knowing that although they had been divorced from their spouses for several years, they still shared a past with these men, and that past had produced their children.

When we were growing up in London all those years ago, we had our fights as all siblings do but we always were there for each other.  And we showed a solid front against Mother if one or other of us was in trouble. Mother as the common enemy.  Where else do you find this kind of loyalty?

Mother and girls

Mother with her three daughters

We did everything together and went everywhere together, in some part because our Mother always took all of us wherever we were going.  That is until we were old enough to make our own way to wherever.

Over the years our friendship has grown and I often think  the quote by Christina Rosettie (English Poet1830-1894) was penned for us:

For there is no friend like a sister, in calm or stormy weather, to cheer one on the tedious way, to fetch one if one goes astray, to lift one if one totters down,
to strengthen whilst one stands.

And there are many instances of famous sisters in history and to this day:

  • The Bronte sisters, Charlotte, Emily and Ann, all much-loved novelists
  • The Mitford sisters, six celebrated and sometimes scandalous sisters
  • The Gabor sisters Magda, Zsa Zsa and Eva again celebrated and scandalous
  • Linda and Loretta Sanchez are the first sisters to serve together in Congress.  Read about the sisters here.
  • The Andrew Sisters.  Patti, Maxene and La Verne were a close harmony singing group of the swing era.
  • Abby and Ann Landers – two sisters who each wrote an advice column for two different newspapers.
  • Sarah and Angelina Grimke – 19th-century American Quakers, educators and writers who were early advocates of abolitionism and woman’s rights.

And the list goes on.

So if you have a sister or sisters, count your blessings and if you don’t well I offer my condolences and suggest you find a special friend whom you can adopt as a sister.  Here in New Zealand, I have two as my ‘real’ sisters are so far away.

And one last quote for the day from Clara Ortega

To the outside world we all grow old.  But not to brothers and sisters.
We know each other as we always were.  We know each others hearts.
We share private family jokes.  We remember family feuds and secrets,
family griefs and joys.  We live outside the touch of time.

And a note to my friends out there – if anybody can tell me anything about Clara Ortega I would love to hear.

Where’s the fun?

`

I have been looking back over the last few blogs and see that they are serious.  When I started on this blogging journey I wanted to share things with you that I had learned over my life, but also wanted to make it fun.

While we can’t make racism or litter humorous, there are many other things I can write about with a funny twist.

How about the dreaded dentist? Ambrose Bierce(1842-1913) got it right when he said :

Dentist:  a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket.

Well along with many people I know, the dentist is without a doubt my least favorite person.  He may be (and in my case is) an absolutely charming fellow out of his surgery, but once he dons his whites and mask he becomes an absolute monster.

DentistMine thinks he is funny.  ” Take a seat” he says like I am in any state to think straight or do anything but sit down.  “Now we’ll just give you a shot and then all will be well” Well, I could have used the shot when I walked into the surgery waiting room 20 minutes ago.  And anyway who is this “we”.  I look around and only he is there.  But wait, then into view comes this gorgeous, svelte blond nurse(?).  She looks as if she should be in the movies not masquerading as a nurse/dental assistant.  Luckily she isn’t some gorgeous hunk.

And I am sitting with over sized lips, mouth wide open and he decides to put an instrument in my poor mouth.  At this point I think of Johnny Carson and his quip ‘Happiness is your dentist telling you it wont hurt and then getting his hand caught in the drill”.

OK I am still wishing hurt to him as well as to me.  And for those of you too young to have missed Johnny Carson’s Tonight Show – his was the not to be missed show for all of us whatever our age.  The show ran for 30 years from 1962 until  his retirement in 1992.  Click here to see Johnny Carson with Jim Carey.

I have the choice of listening to music or watching something on television while he works.  He tells me it will distract me from what he is doing.  How ominous is that?  Why do I need distraction?  What is he about to do?

Anyway I opt for music as the sight of 30 strong young men running around chasing a rugby ball doesn’t do anything to distract me (the rugby was his choice and I suspect he was watching it while keeping me waiting for 20 minutes).  So the lovely Lucy – yes he did introduce us – put on her favorite radio program.  Again that is nothing that will distract me; she’s young so her taste is different to mine.  I manage to tell them, over sized lips, numb tongue and all, that I would prefer something a little less rowdy.

OK so now we are ready for said monster to look into my mouth.  And then I get a look at his tools – now I really am in a torture chamber.  Why would anybody with a kind heart want to inflict the pain that these tools can bring?  I revise my opinion of the dentist.  He certainly is not a kind and caring man after all.

Having endured several minutes of his huge hands in my mouth, poking around, looking for holes – does he think he is a gold prospector – and finding none, he  says in a falsely hearty voice ‘You’re done.  See you in six months.  But before you go make an appointment with the hygienist”  See he can’t just let you walk out of his surgery happy that he found nothing wrong.

Toothbrush and tooth

So I walk out into the sunshine knowing I am safe from the monster and his tools for the next six months.  But wait; oh no; he and his lovely wife (Lucy the nurse) will be at the dinner party I am invited to that night.  Shall I smile at him and greet him like a friend or as the hidden ogre that I know him to be?  Guess I shall just play it by ear.

Today’s quote has really nothing to do with the dentist but here it is

When you get into a tight place and it seems you can’t go on, hold on, for that’s just the place and the time that the tide will turn.
Harriet Beacher Stowe 1811-1896, American Writer.


If Everybody Does Just a Little

James

James on his 16th birthday

Each Wednesday I pick up my eldest grandson James  from school, spend time with him,have dinner with the family and stay the night.  I am really enjoying the one on one time with a 16 year old before his parents get home from work.

Unfortunately,  he is still in the monosyllabic state of teenagers and most questions are answered with yes, no, maybe etc.  But occasionally we have a break through and he talks about some of the things that bother him.  This week it was racism.  Sadly, and particularly with the some members of the older generation, it is alive and well in New Zealand.

We don’t have apartheid as demonstrated for all those many years in South Africa but we do have an insidious and underlying feeling among some that while all men (and women) are created equal some are more equal than others.

There is hope for our pleasant land and the rest of the world,  if the members of the younger generation are noticing this and talking about it with their peers, parents and grandparents.

——————–

On my way home every Thursday, after dropping James at school,  I see this elderly gentleman and his old dog, walking along the side of the road picking up litter and dropping it into a plastic supermarket bag.  I don’t know how much ground he covers but he is there every Thursday without fail.  Does he do it on other days as well?  I suspect that he does as part of his daily routine, walking his dog, picking up litter etc etc.

What a difference it would make to our world if we all did just a little bit.  As we know there is an incredible power in small things.  The compounding power of many small things/steps can create something very big.  Small details that nobody else notices or thinks of can separate you from the rest of the pack.

Can you imagine the difference to the highway if everybody picked up just the litter that they saw.  We pride ourselves on our Green land here in New Zealand, but we still have those people who are careless with their litter.

And it’s not just litter collecting.  You can be extraordinary by doing small things.

Imagine a doing a few small acts of kindness every day with each one making a difference to someone else.  It need cost you nothing and it would benefit you as well as the recipient.  What a legacy and an example you would leave for your family and others.

A compliment to a harried salesperson, a word of encouragement to a friend or colleague, a small act of helping a neighbor or even a complete stranger.  This is where you see the incredible power of small things.

Yes there is still room for the amazing feats of boldness but the everyday acts of kindness are equally, if not more important to us and our world.

Today’s quote comes from Ellen Swallow Richards 1842-1911, American Scholar and Ecologist.

“The environment that people live in is the environment that they learn to live in, respond to and perpetuate.  If the environment is good, so be it.  But it is poor, so is the quality of life within it”


Ah, That Reminds Me

And here is the second post for today.

Nothing is more memorable than a smell.  One scent can be unexpected, momentary and fleeting, yet conjure up a childhood summer beside a lake in the mountains; another, a moonlit beach; a third, a family dinner of pot roast and sweet potatoes during a myrtle-mad August in a Midwestern town.  Smells detonate softly in our memory like poignant land mines hidden under the weedy mass of years. Hit a tripwire of smell and memories explode all at once.   A complex vision leaps out of the undergrowth.    ~ Diane Ackerman, A Natural History of the Senses

Smells are so evocative.  Memories just pop into my head.

Lake at Springfield Park

Springfield Park. Wikipedia

When I smell newly mown grass I think of the parks we used to inhabit growing up in London.  We had no garden living as we did in an apartment, but we were taken regularly to the local park.

The smell of warm glue immediately transports me back more than 50 years to the kitchen where my father would have a pot of hot glue sitting on top of the coal burner for his furniture making.

Mum's bread pudding

The smell of mixed spices recalls my mother’s fantastic bread pudding.  This was made with stale bread soaked overnight with a good dollop of mixed spices and currants, raisins and any other dried fruit available.  The next day the bread would be squeezed to get out the water and the whole thing put into bake for an hour or so.  During the war there was no butter to spare for this so it didn’t contain any.

When I think of Mother’s kitchen I think of bread pudding.  My sisters and I have such great memories of this bread pudding.

For more bread pudding recipes click here.

And just occasionally I get a whiff of Aramis and that takes me back so long ago to when we lived in Montreal and Bob used to wear that cologne.  Of course, it evokes many memories of our years together too.

Creosote which you don’t often smell anymore immediately takes me to the open-air swimming pool at London Fields, in London where we all grew up.

London Fields Lido

Lido at London Fields – Wikipedia

For those of you who don’t know coal tar creosote is the most widely used wood preservative in the world. It is a thick, oily liquid typically amber to black in colour and the local Council used to paint this onto the wood surrounding the pool every summer.  The smell is distinct and when added to the smells of summer, it is quite heady.

The smell of talc on a small baby – oh the memories that brings back; the smell of the newly fallen leaves when one walks through them immediately transports me to the Laurentians; the smell when the grandchildren have been to the pool revives memories of learning to swim; what about newly laid tarmac on the road; the smell of sand on a hot day brings so many memories, too many to list here and so many many other smells that immediately evoke memories.  I am sure you have plenty of your own.

This is one of our senses and we usually take our sense of smell for granted.  Life would be less colourful and exciting without it.  See my post on the five senses here.

The nights are closing in here and it is already dark at 7pm.  But soon there will be the smell of woodsmoke to revive other memories.

Until tomorrow.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Favourite Women Heroes

Yesterday was a pretty frustrating day for many of us.  We were unable to publish or even draft new posts.  So I went out to meet my grandson from school and here I am writing two blogs today.

I was recently reading some other blogs and I came across one dealing with vacuous, vapid, pathetic, whining  ‘heroines’  and why the author didn’t like them.   So in keeping with my ‘We Don’t Do Negative’ attitude  I thought we could turn it around and get a discussion going on real women heroes  in fiction.

So I hereby call for nominations for the best, pluckiest, most real female protagonists in fiction.  To start the ball rolling – my nominees are:

  • Jo Marsh from Little Women by Louisa May Alcott.  Growing up I thought she was the bravest and cleverest girl ever.
  • Then of course, there was Nancy Drew a fictional young amateur detective in various mystery series for all ages.  Created by Edward Stratemeyer.  My friends and I loved this heroine.
  • Moving on to today  –  I love Stephanie Plum, Bounty Hunter extraordinaire, star of 17 books by Janet Evanovich.  Stephanie tries hard but between her job, her Uncle Vinnie and the two men in her life, the dark and mysterious Ranger and the tricky cop Jo Morelli, she has a hard time.  Added to that is her family, father, mother and Grandma Mazur – 70+ going on 18 – What else is to say?
  • Amelia Sachs, Lincoln Rhymes partner and love interest in the series by Jeffery Deaver.
  • Kathryn Dance an agent with the California Bureau of Investigation and the state’s foremost kinesics — body language — expert.  Another  series by Jeffery Deaver.
  • Jane Tennison is a skilled, top-class detective, battling to prove herself in a male world.  Created by Lynda La Plante .  Prime Suspect with Helen Mirren playing DI Jane Tennison, aired for several seasons on ITV in the UK.
  • Cyndy Decker, daughter of  NYPD lieutenant Peter Decker .  Created by Faye Kellerman.

Well you get the idea.  Please let me have your nominations. There will be no winners or runners up.  I hope just a sharing of views and information and no doubt discovery of other strong female characters.


Choices, Values and Rules

Everyday we make choices and the choices we made yesterday determine where we are today.

Penguin with cymbals on polar bear

..then run like hell

Some of the choices are made using the Rules and/or Values that we have acquired or adopted during our life. They can be values or rules inherited from our parents or taken on board from peers, friends and acquaintances.  Often we are not even aware that we have adopted these values and rules.

And today’s blog was prompted by another blogger who raised the question “Do you make your bed each day?”

Bed make up for the dayWell, yes I do.  This is one of the things I do each morning without fail, so I guess you could say it is a rule.

But in our lives we have rules by which we live and not all of them benefit us really. Would it matter if I didn’t make the bed one day; or if I went out without my makeup on?  The answer is probably no,  not to anybody else, but these two rules are part of who I am.

Values however, are quite different.  My values include:

  • I am totally honest in all my dealings with others
  • I treat everybody with respect and expect respect in return
  • I am always supportive of family and friends
  • I listen to the points of view of others
  • I treat everybody with kindness.  I do not knowingly hurt others
  • I do everything as well as  I can and have pride in my work
  • I am working on being patient and gracious in all things

Values empower us They assist us in how we live; they help us make the choices offered every day.  Whereas Rules tend to place limits on us:

  • I make the bed every day
  • My house must always be tidy
  • I never go our without makeup on

And sometimes Values and Rules can cross over as in:

  • I must always be on time – as a value this can be respect for others; as a rule this is can be limiting

I am sure there are many others – why don’t you make a list for yourself?

Today’s quote comes from Barbara De Angelis , American relationship consultant, lecturer and author.

“Living with integrity means: Not settling for less than what you know you deserve in your relationships. Asking for what you want and need from others. Speaking your truth, even though it might create conflict or tension. Behaving in ways that are in harmony with your personal values. Making choices based on what you believe, and not what others believe.”

Thank you for visiting.  Please come back soon.

Lotte and Major

Best friends


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